LoveToKnow Weddings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Weddings

Comments

Maria - Many couples choose to invite close friends and relatives to the rehearsal dinner, even if they aren't in the wedding party. A gift for the couple isn't necessary (since you've likely bought a wedding gift), but it would be nice to give a small token to the groom's parents if you're comfortable doing so. It isn't expected with this type of event, but it is the polite thing to do. Also, be sure to take the time to wish the couple well, as I'm sure you'll also do at the wedding.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My husband and I have been invited to a rehearsal dinner. We are not out-of-town guests nor are we participants in the wedding. Do we need to bring a gift or something for the wedding couple or the groom's parents (they are hosting the dinner)to the rehearsal dinner?

-- Contributed by: Maria

Marni - If he is giving the groom a separate gift (not as the wedding gift), it would usually be given during the bachelor party. Presenting a gift during the rehearsal dinner could be awkward for other bridal party members who don't have separate gifts. If he can't give it at the bachelor party, it may be best to give it privately.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My boyfriend is the best man at his best friend's wedding this weekend and the rehearsal dinner is this Thursday. Is he suppose to give his gift for the groom during the dinner? (This will be different than the wedding gift)

-- Contributed by: Marni

Mother of the Groom - You are not obligated to invite all out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner, though you may want to invite some closer friends or relatives who are further away and do not have the chance to visit often. You can also consider scaling down the size of the dinner by offering less expensive fare (pizza, barbeque, pasta, etc.) in order to include more guests if you wish. For more tips, read Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I am the mother of the groom. The wedding will take place out of town where all 200 guests will be from out of town. Shall we invite everyone from out of town to the rehearsal dinner? I would love to be able to do so but it may be more than our budget will allow. What is the proper etiquette when everyone is an out of town guest?

-- Contributed by: Mother of the groom

Hi Steve, Traditional etiquette says that only the wedding party would be involved in the rehearsal dinner - friends and other family members are usually not invited. You are correct in suggesting inviting out-of-town family and friends on only one side is unfair. You may want to consider suggesting a meet and mingle for both sides with a simple brunch, picnic, or drinks and appetizers as an alternative. Good luck and best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

I am an upcoming groom and my parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner will include the wedding party, siblings and parents of the bride and groom, and spouses and dates of those people. My father is also inviting some of his out-of-town relatives and friends, including some I have never met. However, he does not want to extend the rehearsal dinner to include any out-of-town friends or relatives of the bride. He is being very generous otherwise and is paying for about half of the wedding expenses. My fiancee is not upset but I don't think this is a nice way for the families and and wedding party members to meet. When he said this, I said that it was OK, but it is bothering me. Am I being overly concerned, or should I risk an argument and discuss it with him again?

-- Contributed by: Steve

Hi Cathy, Traditional etiquette says the the length of the bridesmaids' gowns is a guide for the mothers of the bride and groom to follow, and traditionally the bride's mother is given the option to choose her gown first. Having the same length is also usually preferred for visual appeal for photographs.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

My question is this? The brides mother is wearing a dress to her knees. I however (the grooms mom) is wearing a long gown. Should I take the gown back for a shorter dress? Help the weddign is soon.

-- Contributed by: Cathy

Offended - This can be a tricky situation, but you're doing the right thing by respecting her wishes. You can let your son know that you're disappointed that your youngest son won't be the ring bearer, and perhaps ask (gently) if there might be something else he can do to feel involved with the occasion. He may be able to help decorate, pass out favors, mind the guest book, or do other tasks that can be helpful but won't be as much in the public eye, to respect the bride's concerns. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Here is my question for you...my son is getting married. He has four brothers (three of them younger). The bride has chosen not to have our youngest son (age 7) to be the ring bearer. Instead she has chosen a 12-year old neighbor boy. She says that my son is too "active," yet her youngest sister, approx the same age, is just as active (according to my son, the groom). It hurts that she has rejected my young sons. She says that small boys make her nervous. Is she right to ask a non-family member? I know it is "her"day...We have not approached her about it, however our son has, yet she is determined... Our family is just "sucking it up," however, it is still painful. No matter what your answer is, we must accept her decision. I just want your opinion here. Thanks.

-- Contributed by: Offended mom

Margaret - Wow, that is quite a dilemma, but I think you're handling it well by having the wedding coordinator play devil's advocate to break the etiquette news. Unfortunately, however, the rehearsal dinner is the groom's mother's responsibility, and if she is intent on doing this and feels it is all right, it may be best not to make waves about it for fear of alienating a soon to be in-law. At the dinner, I'd be sure to circulate among the guests on your side of the invitation list and express graciously how glad you are that they've come, and to politely explain (without making the groom's mother out as a demon) that they needn't feel uncomfortable because they haven't brought a gift. Best of luck!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hello,

I have a doozy of an etiquette concern. We have "limited" the guest list for each side to 150 people, figuring that about 125 will actually come. We have planned an hour of hors d'oeuvres and beverages, followed by a seated dinner, all to be held in our very lovely parish banquet hall. The groom's mother piddled around for months before getting me her list, and then complained how hard it was to cut it down to 150. They wanted to include her husband's (he's a successful physician) employees and spouses, about 60 total. I think that's tacky anyway, as they might feel obliged to come, even if they didn't want to, and to bring a gift. We have invited only 3 of my husband's longtime coworkers, all of them close to us. I stuck to my guns, indicating that I think that 150 people is more than adequate, and that our venue, one of the larger ones here, cannot accommodate more people comfortably. Bride and groom are on board with me on this.

Come to find out...the groom's mother has decided to invite those employees to the rehearsal dinner!!! And to have a gift table!!! I am appalled and horrified at the tackiness of this. Go ahead and invite as many wedding guests as you want (it is customary here to include out of town guests, if the groom's family so chooses)but to invite folks not invited to the wedding - and to have a gift table - I can't believe it! This is a well-to-do, bullheaded woman who is used to getting her way (she also had ordered a dress in the same color we informed her months ago that I had chosen to wear, until my daughter told her I had first dibs on that.)

I am embarrassed even to be associated with such tackiness. I think I will have my wedding coordinator give her a friendly call, introduce herself and chat about plans so that she can gently inform her that this just isn't done. I had suggested that the groom's family might host a small celebration, post-honeymoon, for the couple, and invite the employees if she insisted. No dice.

Have you ever heard of such a thing?

-- Contributed by: Margaret G.
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