LoveToKnow Weddings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Weddings

Comments

JC - The best way to word the invitation in this situation would be "... Groom's name, son of Mother and Stepfather and the late Father" -- this would acknowledge all the parties without being awkward phrasing. Naturally, the entire invitation wording should work around the formality of the wedding, who is hosting the event, and other typical considerations.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

my fiance and i would like to include his deceased father in the invitation however he(fiance) also wants to include his stepfather in the invitaion, how do we do these? please help. thanks

-- Contributed by: jc

Master would generally be used for very young boys only, usually ring bearer age. By the time a young man is old enough to serve as an usher or groomsman, Mr. is more appropriate, though if he is still young (teenage), no honorific title is necessary.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

At what age do you use Mr. instead of Master?

-- Contributed by: Jacqui

Marie - It is never proper to include any information about gifts or registries in invitations, though many people do anyway. The only proper way to spread the word of registries is through word-of-mouth when a curious guest will ask where the couple is registered.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Me - It isn't rude to tell a friend you were limited by space and had to cut the guest list, but it is rude to offer her a belated invitation now that you've had other guests -- who obviously made the first cut -- send their regrets. It's best to be graceful about it and express that you wish everyone could be there, but it just isn't possible.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Darcy - The invitations should reflect the formality of the event, no matter when or where it is held. If it's a more casual reception, informal invitations will be fine. As for timing, you want to send them out at least 3 weeks in advance, or up to 6-8 weeks if people may need to travel to the event.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Now a days people send the cards saying where the couple is registered at with the invites. Is that proper?

-- Contributed by: Marie

The site of our wedding strictly limits the number of people we can have in attendance. This caused us to make some tough decisions about who to leave off the invite list. Our RSVPs are in now and we have a couple of extra seats. Is it rude to tell a friend honestly that we'd wished we could have included her initially but that we were limited by space. And now that we will have space we'd love for her to join us?

-- Contributed by: Me

'What is the proper etiquette for grooms parents having a reception back home in a different state? Do the invitations have to be wedding reception invitations or can they be informal invitations. What is the timing of sending them out.

-- Contributed by: Darcy

Hi Beth, You should not feel pressured to invite people you do not want to the wedding. Gently but firmly explain to the matron of honor that you and your husband-to-be need to be selective with the guest list and limit to those you are closest to. If she continues to pressure you, simply let her know you are sorry, but the decision has been made - and do not engage in further discussion about the matter.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

Nathalie, If the man is married, it should read "Mr. and Mrs. Jack Brown" rather than just "Mr. Jack Brown and Family".

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

I am getting a lot of pressure from my matron of honor to invite her sister and her family to my wedding. I don't feel I am that close to her sister and they are issues that could arise the would make problems if they came. What should I do? My fiancee and I are paying for our wedding ourselves and to add them to the list would cost a lot of money.

-- Contributed by: Beth

I want to ask if I want to address an invitation card to a man and his family, should the envelope have the name written as Mr. Jack Brown & Family or as Mr. & Mrs. Jack Brown & Family???

-- Contributed by: Nathalie Badra

my nephew is getting married in july and the bride's parents are paying for the wedding. there are 150 quest but the bride thinks most should be invited from her family and friends because her parents are paying. please give me your advice on this problem and how to handle it

-- Contributed by: stacey johnson

Sara - It is unfortunate that this situation has arisen for you, and I'd suggest asking your brother (the groom) for advice as to his fiance's wishes about whether or not you receive an invitation. Ideally, you should receive an invitation, but because you were slated to be a part of the ceremony that detail may have been overlooked. It's best to approach the couple and express that you're happy for them and want to be supportive on their wedding day, even if you're not in the ceremony. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I am a sister of the groom in an upcoming wedding. I was supposed to be part of the wedding ceremony but the bride changed her mind. Since I suspect hard feelings are due to this change of plans am I to assume that if I do not receive an invitation to the wedding that I am no longer invited? The bride has unfortunately heard a mis representation of my character which does prohibit me from simply asking her these questions myself.

-- Contributed by: Sara

Sisi - I understand your concerns, but it is up to the couple whom to invite. If every single guest they invited brought a significant other whom the couple does not know, they may end up with a reception where they don't know dozens of people (married couples are treated as a unit, particularly when celebrating a marriage). Sometimes it is a cost decision, that's true, but it's not as if there won't be other people there for you to talk to and mingle with; surely there will be other single guests in attendance. If you are this offended at the couple's choice, it may be best to politely decline the invitation instead. I'm sure there is no intention to penalize you for not being married, but how you react to this is up to you.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I was informed, by phone, last night that while I am invited to an upcoming wedding that I cannot bring a guest. Therefore neither my boyfriend nor any other guest can come with me. I find this to be completely mannerless and if the question is of money spent on the reception that they can save that money in ways that does not offend the guests. I am very tempted to tell the bride to save the postage and not invite me at all but was wondering what general etiquette says about adults bringing their significant others (or a plutonic guest) to a wedding. From my perspective I should not be penalized for not being married and am sick of spending every other wedding by myself wishing I had someone to dance with or talk to.

-- Contributed by: sisi

Shelley - Handwriting the addresses shows a more personal touch than printed labels and is the traditional way to address wedding invitations to show guests you're thinking of them rather than just printing off a list of labels. You're right, however, in that it's less and less noticeable today and most people don't mind, and there really shouldn't be a problem with labels if they are done tastefully. Many invitation retailers will actually offer to print addresses directly on the envelopes so it looks nicer, or you can choose more discreet clear labels if you plan on doing it yourself.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I am getting married this year (2008) and I am having a disagreement with my family about the ettiquette of writing addresses on the envelopes instead of using printed labels. With the digital age, why is it so ettiquette to write out the names and addresses, who actually looks at it any way? It gets thrown out in the first five minutes of receiving anyway. Please Explain.

-- Contributed by: Shelley W.

Megan - Ideally, the wedding invitation indicates who hosts the event, not necessarily who is paying for it, but the option is up to you. You will want to consider, however, whether it's worth possibly alienating your father over this issue. The deeper concern is to get him together with your fiance so they can work out their issues with one another and you can all celebrate this joyous time together.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My father refuses to pay for the wedding, he does not like my fiance. And yet he still thinks his name should be on the invitation. I told him that he will be walking me down the aisle. He is still upset. Is this wrong that i am leaving his name off the invitation because he is not contributing?

-- Contributed by: Megan

Randy and Margaret - Generally, announcements aren't sent out until after the wedding has taken place -- on the same day, or a day or two later (no more than a week afterwards). That way, there is no confusion about whether they are really invitations or not, since the date on the announcement would indicate it has already passed. Also, announcements are worded differently -- whereas an invitation would say "You are invited to join us at the wedding of..." an announcement would simply say "We are happy to announce the marriage of..." Hopefully, that will also help eliminate any confusion.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Our daughter wants a small, intimate wedding and before sending out any announcements, wants to know if everyone to whom an announcement is sent, is automatically considered 'invited' to the wedding itself. We have a fairly large extended family and she really only wants to invite close friends and close family. What is considered proper etiquette and do you have any suggestions on how to handle the announcement?

-- Contributed by: Randy and Margaret

Janice - I'd recommend stating "Adults only" on the invitation, but include a brief note for the family members whose children are welcome that you hope they'll bring them along. Please note, however, that this could be misinterpreted -- other parents may resent that their children weren't welcome when others are there, or that could lead to some declined invitations from parents who can't arrange daycare. Most parents will not object to sitting near the rear of the ceremony so their children as not so disruptive, and you could consider providing a babysitter at the reception as well so everyone can be welcomed.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Denise - You make a very good point about having two invitation lists and it's not advisable except in clear cir...stances where the budget or location can't afford a larger initial guest list.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My daughter does not want small children that may cry or make noise at her wedding. There will be some family members with children ages 6 and older attending. How can we politely address the RSVP to ensure that no small children come?

Thank You, Janice

-- Contributed by: Janice

I had never heard of the idea of sending out a second set of invitations if many in your "first round" can't attend. I honestly find it rude to have an A and B list of invitees, as though the second set weren't as important to have there. Either invite everyone right off, or don't invite them.

-- Contributed by: Denise

Ryan - It is true that not everyone whom you invite will be able to attend, but the percentages vary for every wedding. You may invite 100 people and 80 can come, or you may invite 100 and only 40 can come. I'd suggest you invite 50-60 at first, but as you get responses that indicate people cannot attend, send out new invitations to others who didn't get invited in the first round. Just be sure they have enough time to make whatever arrangements are necessary!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Our location is only large enough to hold 50 people but my sister says to invite 100 because only 50 will show up anyways. It is a few hours away and would be a difficult drive for my cousins with kids. My cousins and I aren't very close. Mainly i want to know if the rumor of 50 percent showing up is true?

-- Contributed by: Ryan

Kristie -- You can indicate no gifts discreetly on the invitation; this is a slight departure from the "don't mention gifts at all in an invitation" etiquette rule, it is appropriate in this instance because guests will be expending quite a bit of money to attend the celebration if they are able to do so. The key is to keep it discreet -- simple, small fonts and simple wording will do.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I am having a destination wedding. I strongly feel that our guests should not give us a gift. Is it tacky to write something like, "please, no gifts" on the invitation?

-- Contributed by: Kristie

Richard -- This is a tricky situation to be sure. In the first place, verbal invitations are not considered the best etiquette, and more details should have been revealed before you went to considerable expense. If you are still able to go to the wedding and want to preserve this friendship, I'd suggseet you do so, but perhaps trim down on a wedding gift or other expenses to help recoup your cost. Brides especially can be very sensitive about their wedding plans and how guests react, so it may be best not to turn this misunderstanding into an extended feud. At the same time, if you are offended enough to risk the relationship by not going to the wedding, that is certainly your call and you can send a nice gift instead, or else explain to the bride why you do not feel this is fair to you and why you won't be attending, but you wish her well. Best of luck!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

In July I received a verbal invitation from a friend to attend the November wedding of her brother in a third world country. We understood this would be at my own expense. In early October I paid $450 for necessary shots to travel to this country. During the last week of October as we were making airline reservations to travel together, she advised me that someone told her about the normal responsiblies regarding an invited guest. She said that she would not have invited me had she known this sooner but that she would honor her commitment. I asked her if she still wanted me to come and we could make our own arrangements. She answered that she did not know but I could come if I wanted to. To me, this is a different invitation than the orginal. Then, I ask her if she would pay for the $450 for my shots. Her answer is that I can go to the wedding if I wish so she does now owe me anhing. It is a matter of principle with us both. What do you think?

-- Contributed by: Richard
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