LoveToKnow Weddings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Weddings

Comments

John - It is never required to send a wedding gift other than for a bridal shower that you attend (which is clearly not the case here). If you aren't familiar with the couple but still want to send some acknowledgement, a nice card is a fine gesture for that level of relationship. Don't feel pressured to send or give more than you feel comfortable with. If you are attending the wedding, a small gift would work well, but if you're not, just a card is perfectly acceptable.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Is it required to send a wedding gift when receiving an invitation, when not knowing the couple getting married, other than a relative of a relative, not closely related? Thank you

-- Contributed by: John Williams

Cheryl - This is a touchy situation, to be sure. Most couples just let it go, assuming the guest did not send a gift, rather than cause potential embarrassment or bad feelings if perhaps the guest could not afford a gift or if they've been delayed in sending one. While invited guests who attend the festivities should send a gift, it may seem like a couple is being greedy or expecting payment to ask about one, unless it is phrased very delicately. A parent might inquire discreetly, for example, but take care that no one is offended by doing so.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Mrs. Broom - It is not expected for a guest to send the couple a thank you card for the enjoyable wedding, but it would certainly be appreciated! It's also a great opportunity to send the couple additional Wedding Wishes and congratulations.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

What do you do if an invited guest, who attended the wedding, did not send/give a gift? Do you make a call on the assumption it may have been lost? Or say nothing, assuming s/he didn't intend to give a gift at all?

-- Contributed by: Cheryl

Is one expected to send a thank-you card to the bride and groom for an enjoyable time at the wedding.

-- Contributed by: Mrs Broom

Nan - How the woman is treated at the wedding depends on her relationship with your daughter. If they are close, then yes, she can be considered the "grandmother" even though it isn't by blood, and she should have a corsage to show her relationship to the bride. If the two of them are not close, however, her role can be more casual.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

What do you do when my daughters grandfather has passed away and his present wife isn't my daughters real grandmother? Is she consider the "grandmothers" place at the wedding? Do I buy her a corsage?

-- Contributed by: Nan

Sarah - Just as a bride and groom are not responsible for their guests' tickets, you are not responsible to pay for his ticket or hotel, though you can offer to split the cost or pay for it entirely if you wish. That would be a wonderful gesture, particularly if he is on a budget.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I live in Michigan. I'm going to a friend's wedding in NYC and inviting a friend from DC as my +1. Is it my responsibility to pay for his travel and accommodation? I thought so, especially because we're not dating, but he seems to think he should pay for his ticket.

-- Contributed by: Sarah

Typically the rehearsal dinner is reserved for those who are in the wedding party, such as the bride, groom, bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. While close friends and family are occasionally invited to the rehearsal, this is not the norm. Unless you were specifically requested at the rehearsal dinner, it is not appropriate to attend. Instead, send a card and/or gift with your warm wishes in lieu of attendance.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

Can you attend the rehearsal dinner if you cannot attend the wedding itself due to a scheduling conflict?

-- Contributed by: Enter your name here

Hi Andrea, While most often this term on a wedding invitation is intended for a significant other, if the invitation states plus one it is acceptable for you to bring a guest of your choosing.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

I received a plus one to my friend's wedding. I'm not currently dating anyone, can I bring a friend instead?

-- Contributed by: Andrea

Hi Raquel, You may want to check out our guide on What to Wear to a Beach Wedding for suggestions. A formal dress would be appropriate - something flowy is nice for the beach and bright colors are typically acceptable at a beach wedding. Avoid casual clothing like denim, shorts, flip flops and tank tops.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

Hello! can you give me a suggestion about beach dresses,? i will go to a wedding in a hotel in the beach, and dont have idea what i should wear. because the invitation card says beach formal dress thanks.

-- Contributed by: Raquel Larios

Hi Jill,

Acknowledge the generosity of the invitation and your sincere desire to be at the wedding. Provide a brief explanation of the reason why you won't be able to attend, but include a personal note or letter in addition to the rsvp card. Although destination weddings are popular, couples are usually aware that there may be deterrents such as work, cost, etc., that prevent some of their guests from attending.

You can also consider sending a special video message or other unique way to present your warm wishes to your friend. A heartfelt gift and card is still appropriate even if you aren't attending the wedding.

Good luck!

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

How can I politely decline an invitation to a destination wedding of a very close friend?

-- Contributed by: Jill

Maggie,

My finace and I live in Missouri and our families both live in New York state. We have chosen to have our wedding in upstate New York, near my family while his family lives in NYC. We understand that they will be paying for car rental and travel costs. In our particular case, we made some huge financial sacrifices to host our wedding near our families (cost here in Missouri would have been significantly cheaper). We expect our families to gift more modestly and consider their attendance to be the most important gift. No matter what you do, please do not complain to the bride or groom about your travel expenses, they are aware that you are going to great lengths to be there and I'm sure appreciate it greatly. However, there is nothing more disappointing or upsetting to the happy-couple-to be than to listen to complaints about their big day. To sum it up- a smaller gift is expected and acceptable. Complaining about travel is tacky and inexcusable.

-- Contributed by: Jennifer Petersen

Visiting rather long distance for a dear friend's wedding. She's to be married 2.5 hours north of our home town in Washington State, while I've lived in Las Vegas, NV for 4 years now. I was one of the first people she told of her engagement so that I'd have plenty of time to plan my travel arrangements. I helped with and was invited to her bachelorette party in Las Vegas, and though not in her bridal party officially, I'd be willing to put money down that I'll be asked to help with the final touches before hand. I am more than ecstatic to help, that's so not even it. And because of my relationship with the friend and her soon to be husband, I would have gotten them a gift, regardless. For future reference, however, when a bride/groom is inviting someone at a distance who would not normally otherwise be visiting, airfare what it is, $200+ for the trip. Is it particularly rude for the long distance guest to be more frugal when selecting a gift for the couple as their monetary burden to even attend is considerably more sizable? Mostly just curious...

-- Contributed by: Maggie Reese

Vicki - It sounds as if your son and his bride have made some good choices, inviting relatives whom they are close to and whom they see regularly rather than blindly sending invitations to everyone on the family tree. As for the one cousin who feels left out and upset, it is inevitable that there will always be people who feel they should have been invited. If this may cause tension in the family, it might be best to offer the explanation that the bride and groom are on a tighter budget and have only chosen to invite the very closest friends and relatives, and they're sorry they just can't invite everyone. In the end, however, the guest list is up to the couple, not the would-be guests who think they deserve to be there.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

We have a problem. My son's wedding is set at 150 people. So, in some families there is one cousin invited but not the rest. They did this based on which cousin they were closest to or saw the most. We have one that is extremely upset they weren't invited, but this is one cousin that we never, ever see, my son can't remember the last time that he saw him. Do we have to invite him to the wedding?

-- Contributed by: Vicki

Kim - You're exactly right; if there are children in the wedding party, they must be allowed to attend the reception. Guests will typically understand this even if they aren't permitted to bring their own children to the event.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Jo-Ann - It is perfectly acceptable to bring anyone along as a guest, whether that person is a significant other, a child (of an appropriate age, of course), or just a friend. The reason many people put "and guest" on an invitation is that they understand wedding guests will want to socialize with people whom they know, and no one enjoys attending an event alone as much.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Juana - If someone does not respond to the invitation, they should be called to confirm whether or not they are planning to attend. If individuals just show up at the reception without responding, while that is rude, it is supposed to be a happy event and they should be politely welcomed. Most caterers will plan for more than the anticipated total of guests, so there is usually room for a few unexpected people.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Doris - Adding "adults only" or "no children please" to the invitation can express the wish that children are not invited, but be prepared for some parents to disregard that information. If an RSVP card comes back with more people on it than were invited, you can call and follow up to be sure they understand that the event is not planned for children.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Debbie - It is not particularly common to invite individuals to just the reception and not the wedding if they occur on the same day, but it may be that the ceremony will take place in a much smaller location that is unable to accommodate as many guests. It would not be polite to inquire, however, unless you are a very close friend. Otherwise, simply decide if you'd like to attend the reception and base your response on that.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I got married 10 years ago and we put "adult reception only" on our wedding invitations at the bottom. We also indicated if it was a family: " Mr. and Mrs. Smith" on the inside envelope as well as the outside envelope. If they don't get that they are invited NOT the children then the invitation should clue them in when it says adult reception only. Keep in mind if you have someone in the wedding party that has children they must be able to attend. That would be very rude to ask them to be in the wedding and not allow them to bring their children if needed.

-- Contributed by: Kim Ostash

My son is getting married. An invitation was sent to my niece & guest. If she doesn't have a significant other can she bring one of her children who is 19 years old to the wedding as her guest?

-- Contributed by: Jo-Ann

How would one 'handle' people who do not RSVP at all or just show up at the reception without RSVP'ing?

-- Contributed by: Juana

how do you state on an invite that children are not invited to the wedding dinner?

-- Contributed by: doris

Friends from out of state are having a small wedding with close friends and family. We have received the invitation to the reception by mail, and were told by the couple about the wedding plans. I don't know if the couple mailed wedding invitations or just reception invitations. Is it impolite to ask about the wedding invitation? Is it common to invite friends to the reception and not the wedding?

-- Contributed by: Debbie

Mel - If you don't feel comfortable with the circumstances of your invitation (that it's only because you're dating him and it's his friend's fiance's shower), you can politely decline. If you attend, you should bring a gift and your boyfriend can help pay for it, but it needn't be expensive.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

If I am invited a shower for my boyfriends friends fiance, should I pay for the gift, or, should he atleast help out because I am only invited because I am dating him?

-- Contributed by: Mel

Dan - If you've already received the invitation and there is not mention of "and guest" then no, you aren't expected to bring one and doing so could be problematic for the couple's reception planning. If you're arranging your travel early and don't yet know, you can simply call the couple and ask -- you are probably close enough friends that such a question wouldn't be out of line, and they'll appreciate the notice.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I am going to an out of town wedding, I want to make plans for this wedding (flights, room, etc) but I don't know if my girlfriend will be invited...I know it is inapporpriate to ask if I can bring a guest, but is there a polite way to find out?

-- Contributed by: dan

Liz - Etiquette can be hazy; ideally, since you have been invited to the ceremony, a gift is typically expected, though you should not feel obligated to spend more than you're comfortable with. It also depends on your relationship with your neighbor's daughter and with your neighbors -- if you're good friends, they may be hurt or confused if you do not offer a gift, but if it's just a casual relationship a nice card would certainly be appropriate.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

We have been invited just to the ceremony of our neighbors daughter. Do we give a gift? or just a nice card congratulating the happy couple.

-- Contributed by: Liz

Resa -- It generally isn't necessary to invite the parents of attendants, particularly if the attendants are older and living on their own. The exception is when the attendants are minors (junior bridesmaids, the flower girl, ring bearer, etc., though usually in that case you will know and what the parents to be there anyway. A key way to think about it is who will be paying for the attendants' attire -- if they need to go to Mom and Dad to pay for the bridesmaid dress or the rental tuxedo, then Mom and Dad should be invited.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

HI, My question is regarding what guests get invited. Is it required to invite the parents of the attendents, especially if you don't know them. That would mean 10 people you don't know from Adam, and 10 people you would like to be there who could not come. Help!

-- Contributed by: Resa Szokowski

Karen -- Yes, it is proper and even recommended to call and inquire. You never know if some of the invitations may have been lost, and you do need a more accurate count for the caterer. If the groom's mother won't help, ask the groom or another of his family members to make some calls -- if you divide them up among several people, it won't be hard. You can also choose to overestimate the count for the caterer slightly (if you know of 87 positive responses, for example, tell them 90), though most caterers do plan for a slight amount of extra food just in case. Ask your caterer about their policies in that regard.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Is it proper to call invitees after the requested reply date who have not sent their RSVP or are we to assume the roughly 60 people from the groom's side will not be there? How to handle stragglers who show up at the reception and there is no place at the table and no meal has been paid for? The groom's mother refuses to call these people and we are paying for the meal. HELP!

-- Contributed by: Karen

Can u wear black to a 3 o'clock wedding. It is in a church with reception and dancing following.

-- Contributed by: shannon

It is appropriate for the father of the bride to bring his companion, though if it will cause tension with the mother of the bride or the bride, it would be more appropriate for him to ask their opinion first. It's really an "and guest" issue, and wedding guests (even parents of the happy couple) do not need to get their guest approved by the bride or groom. On the other hand, if he was not invited to bring a guest, he should clear it with the couple first.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I understand the uninvited guests issue, except what if the father of the bride was in a long term relationship, broke up and met someone new (within 2 months of wedding). He lives out of state and wants to bring the new person the bride has never met to the wedding. He and the mother of the bride are co-hosting along with bride and groom. All four parties contributing financially. Is it proper for father to ask bride how she feels? Should she give blessing regardless of how she feels?

-- Contributed by: Befuddled

A gift can be from both people on the invitation, either splitting the cost or else the named person can purchase the gift and the "and guest" does not need to bring one as well. At the celebration, the named invitee should introduce their "and guest" to the bride and groom, as well as be sure they are included in conversations. Otherwise, follow traditional wedding guest etiquette and you should be fine!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

When you are the 'and guest' and don't know either the bride or groom what is the proper etiquette? Would that person be required to bring a gift, ect...?

-- Contributed by: Erica
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