LoveToKnow Weddings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Weddings

Comments

Patricia - It's fine if the couple wants to open gifts with their parents present, so long as it does not become a session of criticizing which relatives or friends gave which gifts. It is often useful for a couple to have someone who can help keep a list of what gifts were received, but many couples just open the gifts as they arrive ahead of the wedding instead of waiting until afterwards (it can be a time saver too). It all depends on what level of privacy the couple wants to establish about their married life (and there's nothing wrong with that), and how they feel their parents may react.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Is it proper for the bride and groom to include their parents while they open gifts, or is it proper to be personal and do it alone and NEVER tell the parents what they received or from whom?

-- Contributed by: Patricia Byrnes

Excellent tip, lendeltaylor, thanks for sharing!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Don't give gift certificates with expiration dates on them!

-- Contributed by: lendeltaylor

Bridgette - If you hosted the shower and gave a gift there, really you aren't under a strict obligation to give another gift. You should bear in mind, however, that many brides may think differently and will notice the lack of a wedding gift, which could lead to a rift in your friendship. A simple card with heartfelt wishes and inexpensive gift is a great compromise for gift-giving and your budget.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

The bride could not invite everyone to the ceremony, so she is having a reception in her back yard. If you are invited to the reception only, are you obligated to bring a gift?

-- Contributed by: Karen Hardman

I was one of 3 hostess's for a bridal shower where we gave the bride a sizeable gift card. Am I obligated to give another gift for the wedding?

-- Contributed by: Bridgette

Brenda - Technically, a gift is required at the shower (that is the traditional purpose of a shower - to "shower" the bride with necessary items for her household), while there is no gift strictly required for the wedding (some etiquette guidelines may say if you attend you need to bring a gift, but this amounts to an admission fee and is frowned upon). What any individual does may depend on how much they can spend; if, for example, they went rather extravagant at the shower, they may have chosen to offer a non-visible gift for the wedding, such as helping clean up or helping plan the event.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Do give a gift at the bridal shower and than at the wedding aslo? I always have and know mostly everyone else does, but recently some friends just did the bridal shower and I am shocked at this.I always thought you took gifts to both events??

-- Contributed by: Brenda

Ashley - If you are invited to more than one event, you do not have to feel obligated to purchase more than one gift (actually, you aren't strictly required to purchase any). A couple puts together a registry to make gift giving easier, and it's perfectly acceptable to give two registry gifts, two cash gifts, or one of each, however you choose.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Katherine - If you are not attending, you are not obligated to purchase a gift. You still can, of course, to show your support and congratulations, but it isn't mandatory. As for timing, you can send it anytime between the shower and the wedding.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

HELP - You should not need to tell the bride and groom whether or not you were able to purchase them a gift; in the strictest sense, they should not be expecting any and it is rude of them to question you after the fact. In any case, you can simply say you wished you could have, but you hope she had a beautiful day -- pay her a compliment at the same time and that will likely take the sting out of it for her.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I've been hearing recently that if you are invited to both the shower and the wedding, it is proper to buy a gift from the registry for the shower, and give cash (not another gift from the registry) from the wedding. Is this true?

-- Contributed by: Ashley

I was invited to bridal shower for a co-worker, but was unable to attend. Should I still buy a gift even if I am not invited to the wedding? If so, how long after the shower is it still appropriate to buy a gift? -Katherine

-- Contributed by: Katherine

I feel really bad I couldn't afforda gift at the time for my friend and I helped her in other ways by setting up the reception to show her I cared, but she recently asked me why I didn't get her a gift and got upset that I didn't tell her i got her one or that I didn't get her one at all. So my question is, is it common curtesy to tell the bride & groom you were not able to get them a gift??

-- Contributed by: HELP!

Hi Christine, If you are not attending the wedding you are not obligated to give a gift. Close friends of the family often do give gifts even if they can't attend the wedding, but it is not obligatory, and a card with your heartfelt wishes will certainly be appropriate.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

While receiving an invitation & not able to attend the wedding,knowing the bride to be through her mother and our kids going to school together must I feel obligated to send more than a card for well wishes? We never see each other or communicate other than happenstance yet we have known this young lady since she was a child. What please is proper in this situation?

-- Contributed by: Christine

Shirley, That is a great question. For out-of-town or destination weddings, guests often mail the gifts to the couple's home. Being unsure of customs issues, however, could pose some concerns. You may want to consult the couple or their closest family members to find out what they would prefer in terms of gifts. It is perfectly acceptable to ask what the couple's preference is. Some couples may prefer lightweight items that could be packed easily on their return trip, while other couples would be happy with monetary gift that could be exchanged for their own country's currency. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

When both the bride and groom live in another country, half a world away and return to the groom's hometown for the wedding, what is acceptable. After all, they are not going to be able to take countless gifts back to their home. Some countries are very sticky on what and how much you bring in with you. Foreign countries have different electrical set ups and adapters would be needed to use electrical gifts from North America. What is proper etiqutte?

-- Contributed by: Shirley

Hi Mary, It depends on when you give the check. If it is before the wedding, at a bridal shower, for example, it is acceptable to write the check out to the bride. If it is given as a wedding gift at or after the wedding, it should be made out to both the bride and groom.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

Hi Laurie - It is acceptable to make a check out to either bride or the groom if it is given before the wedding.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

When giving a check for a wedding gift is it appropriate to make it out to the bride only so she can use it for china?

-- Contributed by: Mary

When giving a check to the bride and groom BEFORE the wedding, to whom should it be made out? The person whom you know only? The groom and the wife-to-be with her current last name? I'm confused because the bride does not yet have the same last name. What's appropriate?

-- Contributed by: Laurie

Hi Andrea,

If you were not invited to the wedding and there was no reception, you are not required to give a gift. A heartfelt card of congratulations is always appreciated. If you feel you want to give a gift, you may want to ask family or friends what items are most needed for the new couple.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

A friend of my daughter's just recently got married in Hawaii. There was no reception. They only had witnesses at the beach ceremony. We heard about it via a picture announcement of the two (Just Married with date and new name. She is quite pregnant and it is a second marriage for her new husband. What is the appropriate expectation as far as a gift? She is not registered and there has been no party planned?

-- Contributed by: Andrea

Lori - If you are not attending either the shower or wedding, you have no obligation to send a gift, though you may want to send a card or a small token of congratulations. If you're not close friends with them, however, don't feel pressured to give a gift if you don't feel it is necessary.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Elizabeth - It is certainly appropriate and a wonderful gesture to give the host of your shower a hostess gift. The reason this doesn't come up often is because many brides are surprised about the dates and times of their bridal shower, but that shouldn't preclude a nice thank you gift if you'd like to send one. Flowers, scented candles, a favorite book, or any other gift will be appreciated, and you're a gracious person for wanting to thank them in that way.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Patsy - Since your relationship is with the bride, I'd recommend putting her name first. It also implies a "ladies first" type of grace. Another option, though, is to arrange the names however you'd normally refer to the couple - if it sounds better with his name first, let that be how you embroider the frame. Either way, I'm sure they'll love and treasure the personalized, handmade gift.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hi,

I was invited to a shower and a wedding for a friend of a friend. I am not close friends with the bride or groom and I am actually surprised I have been invited. I do not plan to attend the shower or the wedding. Am I still obligated to send a gift?

-- Contributed by: Lori

I am a bride and was wondering is it proper etiquette to give the host of your shower a hostess gift?

-- Contributed by: Elizabeth

I am making a hand embroidered picture frame wallhanging for my neice and her husband to be.....I will be embroidering their names and the date of their wedding on the bottom and need to know do I put her name first or his?

-- Contributed by: Patsy

Robin -- It's a sticky situation, to be true. You should not, however, feel pressured to give a gift that costs more than you're comfortable affording, nor should you feel pressured to give one off the couple's registry (ideally, if the couple eloped, they shouldn't realistically have a registry -- gifts are only a polite gesture if guests attend the actual wedding). A scrapbook sounds like a lovely option, and it isn't the in-laws whose opinion matters most, it's the happy couple you're gifting it to. If you think they'd enjoy the scrapbook more than a couple of pieces of china, that would be your best option.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hello, I'm wondering what the general gift etiquitte is for a "planned" elopement-type wedding with no guests. Of course we want to and plan to give the couple a gift. Due to budgetary reasons and also that the couple is older and each had well-stocked separate households we had planned to make a personalized gift--a scrapbook of the development of their relationship--as this would be unique, have value in terms of "labor" put into making it, and is more sentimental. The issue is complicated by the bride being my husband's sister who typically gives lavish gifts that are 5-10 times what we can afford, which makes it awkward. My parents-in-law have basically told us we have to buy them some china from their registry, but we can probably only afford 2 small items if we do this. I think it is rude for the in-laws (and they brought up how much she spends on us). In case it matters, this is the groom's second marriage (divorced). The wedding was in Nov. and the party locally will not be till next fall. We are also being pressured to give a gift now. Please advise.

-- Contributed by: Robin

Amanda - If you're invited to a wedding and you plan to attend, yes, you ought to bring a gift regardless of where the wedding is held. Of course, travel expenses can add up quickly, and because of that you may choose a less expensive gift (most couples include a wide range of prices on their registries), but there is no set dollar amount that you should spend. If, for example, you are really close to the couple but the travel is very expensive for you, they may understand that you just can't afford another gift, but they'd rather have you attending than just sending a pricey gift. Ideally, the amount you spend on a gift should be what is comfortable for you, your relationship with the couple, and your budget. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hi There! I was just wondering...if you are invited to a wedding down south and you attend it, should you still buy a gift for the bride and groom? And if yes, how much should you spend? Thanks, Amanda :)

-- Contributed by: Amanda

Diane - That's true, you should never make any mention of gifts in the wedding invitations because it may seem like an admission fee for guests to attend. The only proper place to mention registries is in a bridal / wedding shower invitation, or else by word of mouth when asked by interested guests.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Maryann - Wedding gifts really are customary, not required, though different regions, families, and other groups have their own unique traditions and expectations. Many guests may have been financially unable to present more than one gift and instead opted to give the gift at the shower, or they may have other reasons, including regional traditions.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hello, I was wondering what the proper etiquette is when announcing where the couple has been registered. I heard that it is not adviced to put the wedding registry card in the invitation. Where would we put it?

Thanks, Diane

-- Contributed by: Diane Ballou

I was shocked after my daughters wedding to find that many guests present did not give a wedding gift...saying it is southern tradition not to give a wedding gift if you previously gave a wedding shower gift. Can this be true...So glad to be a Yankee

-- Contributed by: Maryann

Terri - If the civil ceremony is not being widely taked about or attended, it would be best to wait until the larger ceremony, though if you are close to the family you can give a small gift now as well. If they put together a wedding registry, you'll probably want to wait until that is available.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Our friends are having a small get together for their daughter, who is getting married by a JP. They plan a formal wedding and reception in the fall. When is the appropiate time to give a wedding gift? Now or at the formal reception?

-- Contributed by: Terri

Ally -- Whether or not you choose to chip in on the gift is up to you, but ideally you should contribute, though not necessarily for a 50-50 split. You don't know the couple after all, but you will be enjoying the party reception and meal at their expense, so offering a small token is quite proper.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Matt -- The amount of money you give as a wedding gift is entirely up to you, your relationship with the couple, and your budget. While some websites will give monetary guidelines about what is a "proper" amount, what is proper is a gift that you can afford and are happy and willing to give. Any couple who are true friends will understand and appreciate any gift you choose to give regardless of the amount. As for whether or not you are attending, that should not drastically affect the amount you choose to give, though if you're not paying for travel expenses and such you may be able to give a bit more to the couple whom you won't be sharing the day with.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My boyfriend has asked me to accompany him to a wedding--his invitation listed him "and guest" (his friends didn't know my name--I don't know the wedding party personally). Am I obligated to chip in with my boyfriend for a gift or is he on his own?

-- Contributed by: Ally

I would like to give money. How much? One wedding I am attending and one I am not. Help! Tahnks!!!

-- Contributed by: Matt

Mare - A gift is not required for an engagement party, but if you want to give something, it should be only what you are comfortable with. A bouquet of flowers, dinner gift certificates, or a box of chocolates are all great options without costing a bundle. If you will be purchasing more elaborate gifts for a bridal shower or the wedding itself, a simple card is more than adequate for an engagement party. Visit LoveToKnow Engagement Rings for more information on engagement parties.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I have just received an invitation to my first engagement party and I don't know how much money to give as a gift or to spend on a gift as the bride to be is not currently registered anywhere

-- Contributed by: Mare

Theresa -- The wedding/bridal shower and the wedding itself are considered separate events, so yes, two gifts are generally necessary. It does depend, however, on what gift has already been given -- if the shower gift was very large or expensive, a much smaller wedding gift would be acceptable, though the wedding card should never be a reminder of gifts that have already been given.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Ily - Asking for money is considered bad etiquette. When asked what they would like as a gift, it is acceptable to say something like "well, they've been living together already so they already have all those household items, but they'd really like to save up for a new car/mortgage/student loans. I'm sure they'll love whatever you find." It is impolite to ever ask for money, even gift cards, directly, but phrasing it like this can help guests understand their preferences.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

If you purchased a shower gift do you still need to purchase a wedding gift?

-- Contributed by: Theresa

MY SON AND FIANCEE WILL BE GETTING MARRIED IN A YEAR THEY BEEN LIVING TOGUETHER FOR 4YRS. AND HAD EVERYTHING FOR THE HOME AND MORE, THEY DONT WANT TO REGISTER, THE PREFER MONEY GIFTS, I DON KNOW IF THIS IS OK, OR HOW DO THEY GO ABOUT IT TO LET FAMILY AND FRIENDS KNOW.

-- Contributed by: ILY
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