LoveToKnow Weddings:AllComments

From LoveToKnow Weddings

Comments

Susan - You should coordinate the basic color and style with the mother of the bride, but otherwise feel free to choose what you feel most comfortable in. Tea length or floor length would work for that time of a wedding, but if it's a more casual sort of affair a shorter skirt may work better. Choose what you like and coordinate with your future daughter in law as well, and just be comfortable!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

i'm the mother of the groom, date set is june 6 2010.ceremony at 3:30 p.m. reception at 5;00 p.m. should i wear a gown ,just below the knee or tea length? the mother of the bride is wearing a celery colored gown, i'm fair skinned with a pinky sort of complection and a more tailored look is better for me, i love the glitter ,on someone else , i can't seem to pull it off , what color ? i'm busty too but a size 8 HELP!!!

-- Contributed by: susan p.

Allison - There are many lovely options for wedding venues that aren't a church or outdoors. Hotel ballrooms and rented halls are always available, and more fun and memorable choices include:

Aquariums
Museums
Historic Homes
Bed and Breakfast Inns
Auditoriums

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Jennie - The age for a junior bridesmaid generally depends on the age of the bride and the other attendants. If the rest of the bridal party is more than 10 years older, the junior bridesmaid role can work well, but in general a 17 year old would usually be considered a full bridesmaid, as she's a mature young woman rather than a younger adolescent (12-15 years old). Of course, it also depends on her relationship to the bride -- a sister or daughter would be better in the role of a full bridesmaid instead of a junior one. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Dear Sharon,

Do you have any recommendations for venues for someone who does not want to get married in a church, but doesn't want to have the ceremony outdoors either?? Please help!

Thank you!

-- Contributed by: Allison

Can a 17 year old be a Junior bridesmaid?

-- Contributed by: Jennie

Daun - If you're invited via email only to a wedding so close, you're actually not obligated to send either a card or a gift. You can do whatever you wish, and many people in this situation would send a nice note congratulating the couple. Gifts, however, would generally be reserved for guests more formally and appropriately invited, but it is up to what you feel comfortable doing.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

April - The role you're thinking of is more appropriately used as a Junior Bridesmaid rather than a "junior bride." Wedding traditions that dress a girl up identically to the bride usually revolve around flowergirl age children rather than older children.

You can also arrange a family bonding ceremony as part of the wedding ceremony so your daughter does not need to feel left out. This would include her in the event and reassure her that she's part of the new union.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I was just invited to a wedding that is only a week away and the invite was by email only...never received a formal invitation. I am not going due to a previous engagement, but because this is the son of one of my co-workers, am I still obligated to send a gift or just a note of congratulation?

-- Contributed by: Daun

Dear Sharon, I am getting married next year and we have already decided who we'd like to stand on each side in the wedding. Of those people, my daughter is left out and needs a role. She is too young to be a bridesmaid and too old to be a flower girl. I've heard that some people have Junior Brides in the wedding and was thinking about going that route. I've been told that she would dress like the Bride, walk down the isle alone, and stand between the Bride and Maid-of-Honor. Is this true? You're input on this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

-- Contributed by: April

Dottie -- Generally, it is considered in poor taste to invite parents to a wedding event but not their children, when those children are invited to the wedding. In this case, however, it would be easy for you to provide an alternative that the teenagers can enjoy -- laser tag, movie rentals and pizza, movie tickets, or some other thing that they can enjoy while their parents are at the dinner. That way, they're still able to have a good time but both the adults and the teenagers have time to socialize in a relaxed atmosphere.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

For our daughter's wedding rehearsal dinner, we would like to invite the out-of-town guests but space at the restaurant is limited. Is it okay to invite out-of-town couples but not their teenage children (even though these children are invited to the wedding)? Thanks!

-- Contributed by: Dottie

Curious - A four year old probably isn't going to be comfortable in the role of best man and the rest of the bridal party may be uncomfortable as well. It would be very awkward at the ceremony is he doesn't know quite what to do or how to act, especially if the bride/groom is the one who would normally be watching over him. That age is more suitable for a ring bearer, and he could easily be included in a family blessing if he is the son of the bride/groom.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Sharon, can we use 4 yr old to stand up as a best man?

-- Contributed by: curious

David - The parents can choose to give an additional wedding gift or not as they see fit. Many parents do pay for substantial wedding expenses and still offer a nice gift, or they can choose a lovely card instead. Their monetary gift of paying for the wedding and reception should not be easily overlooked by the couple.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Sharon, what is proper regarding the parents of the bride giving the bridal couple gifts if the parents have already paid for the wedding and reception.

-- Contributed by: David

Having your daughter serve in that role is a wonderful way to keep her involved and let her know how special she is. She may not be able to sign the marriage license as a legal do...ent, but she can certainly assist you with your gown, addressing invitations, and other details. Check out Maid of Honor Duties to see what else is traditionally expected of the maid of honor, and you can have other bridesmaids attend to some of the details she will be unable to do. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I'm getting married for the second time. Is it ok for my 13 year old daughter to be the maid of honor, or is she too young?

-- Contributed by: Help

Annette - Everyone typically walks down the aisle runner, and it can either be in place before or after the parents are ushered into their seats. Most couples have it already in place so it won't present a trip hazard or be forgotten.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Dear Sharon,

This is concerning the isle runner for the ceremony. Do the bridesmaids walk on it or is it only for the flower girl and bride to walk on? Also when is it placed....after the parents are ushered in?

-- Contributed by: annette moore

Jane - It never hurts to start planning early, especially since very popular ceremony and reception sites may book months in advance. You can at least gather ideas and begin getting ready so you aren't swamped later on. Check out Wedding Planning Timeline for an idea of what you can plan early and what may need to wait. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My fiance and I just recently got engaged, and we like to wait a year until we actually get married... Should I start planning now or wait until it gets a little closer to time? Thank you..

-- Contributed by: Jane

Hi Janet, The launching of balloons is a contemporary alternative to the old tradition of showering the new couple with rice. The tradition of throwing rice or other items is meant to symbolize good luck, fertility, or abundance and prosperity for the new couple. For some however, this is simply a unique twist on an old tradition that is fun event for the guests as well.

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

What does a balloon launch at a wedding symbolize

-- Contributed by: janet

Jessica - If you don't want any gifts at all, it is acceptable to put "No gifts please" discreetly at the bottom of the invitation. If, however, you just want to ensure that people are not bringing gifts to the wedding itself, there isn't any way to make that statement without sounding like everyone must bring a gift, and must do so how and when you want them to. I'm sure that's not how you want to sound! I'd recommend making sure your registry is available online, and have gifts purchased from it sent to your home. You can also designate someone at the wedding (usually one of the groomsmen or bridesmaids) to help collect any gifts that are brought along and put them in a safe location until they can be taken to your home. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Veronica - Ideally, even if you and your son's stepmother do not get along, you should strive to put your differences aside and plan the event together to show that you both love your son and want him to have a wonderful wedding. If there is too much conflict, however, it will be up to your son to decide who should plan it, and to give the other person equally important and supportive tasks. Part of this also depends, of course, on how long she's been married to your ex-husband -- if their marriage is quite recent (even though you've been divorced for quite some time), she may have less of a role since she hasn't been in your son's life as long. Whatever the outcome, remember that you both care about him and want him to have a wonderful wedding!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I do not want any boxes gifts given at my wedding. Do we put this request on the invitation and how should this be worded.

-- Contributed by: Jessica

Hi, My son is getting married in October. His father and I have been divorced for many years, we get along fine, but the problem is his wife. Could you please tell me how much involement she should have, in the planning of the rehersal dinner? Thank You Veronica

-- Contributed by: Veronica Mcclenon

Maureen - It is never proper etiquette to ask for money, even for a shower. You can let it be known, however, that you don't need more of the basic household necessities, but instead you'd like to splurge on the honeymoon. Stop short of asking for the cash, but most guests will understand the intent and will want to help you. A honeymoon themed shower can be planned as well, and guests can give gifts that will help you enjoy your getaway, such as beach-themed gifts for a tropical honeymoon.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Elizabeth - A hostess gift for whomever hosts your shower is a thoughtful and gracious gesture for all their hard work. Scented candles, a box of chocolates, flowers, or a personalized gift such as a book by their favorite author or music from their favorite band are great choices that will be much appreciated.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Marie - Either type of shoe would work well with your attire, but be sure to choose one that will be comfortable for you to wear throughout the event, including dancing in the evening if you wish.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Tiffany - When you choose to move in with your fiance is a personal decision that only you can make. Be sure to consider the financial implications of doing so, and you may need to take your parents' feelings on the subject into consideration as well. Some people are fine with a young couple living together before the wedding, but others consider it inappropriate. Only you know your family and situation well enough to make that judgement call on how supportive they may be of your choice.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My fiance and I are planning a 2009 wedding. We own a home and have lived together for 2 years. We are not young and starting lives anew. I know my friends and family are going to want to have a bridal shower for me, but I really can't think of anything I would put on a registry. Someone mentioned that in these instances, in lieu of the bridal shower, your host would send out an "invitation" asking guests to contribute toward the honeymoon. Is this proper etiquette?

-- Contributed by: Maureen

Melissa, I am a bride to be and need a little advice. Is it proper etiquette to give the host of my shower a hostess gift and if so what are some good ideas on what it should be?

-- Contributed by: Elizabeth

My son is being married indoors on a June afternoon. I'm wearing a shantung silk dress with matching cropped jacket. Should I wear a dressy low heeled pump or open toed sandals with it? Thank you.

-- Contributed by: Marie

Dear sharon I'am a engaged college student and i still live with my parents in the summer. I wanted to know when should my fiance and i start looking for a place to live and how soon should we move in with each other. My wedding is dated for August 14 2010

-- Contributed by: Tiffany Btown

Debbie -- If you enclose the type of note you've mentioned, wanting them to know they're beign though of and welcomed even though you don't expect them to attend, that's a fine solution and a nice gesture to his family. Be sure to leave out any gift registry information, however -- even though this can usually be included in shower invitations, it could be considered tacky or demanding when those invitations are sent to individuals whom you know can't attend. A handwritten note would be best; it will add a lovely personal touch to a more formal invitation.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Craig -- Generally, those types of wedding accessories are purchased by the bride and groom (or may be given to them through the bridal shower). The parents of the ring bearer are usually only responsible for the child's attire.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

We are planning a Bridal shower for my daughter. Her Fiance's family live in other states. Should you send them a shower invitation. WE were thinking Yes. ANd if we should put a note in the invitation knowing that they can not attend but we were thinking of them. If so how do you word it. thank you, Debbie

-- Contributed by: Debbie

Hi Sharon: Who is responsible for purchasing the ring bearer pillow and the guest book and pen?

Thanks, Craig

-- Contributed by: Craig Hollingsworth

Sharon - Yes, the couple can register for gifts, but since the festivities surrounding the actual wedding will be very small, they should be discreet and keep the registry to basic items in a nice price range to give guests some choices but not to appear greedy or demanding. Family members and friends who are not invited to the wedding should be sent an announcement mailed either the day of the wedding or within just a few days after the event, but no registry information or mention of gifts should be included with it (and none in the wedding invitations, either). Registry information is only appropriately included in shower invitations, but if the couple is not having a shower that information can be spread by word-of-mouth when guests inquire. If the registry is available online, many guests will find it anyway.

If there is an at-home celebration long after the wedding, typically it is held within a year. Many couples choose to have that type of delayed reception for their first anniversary, otherwise it may be best to have it within 6 months of their wedding.

Feel free to ask any additional questions!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Dear Sharon: My daughter is getting mrried this summer at a house on the beach. It is for immediate family on both sides, with a few of their friends. My husband and I have family away, and my daughter's fiancee's family is away as well. The wedding is going to be very small.

My questions are: As far as I know, there will be no shower -- they would like to register -- how do we pull this all together -- invitations will be sent to infividuals invited to the wedding in August; what do we send to family and friends who will not be invited to the wedding (announcements before or after wedding -- registry, etc?)we hope to have celebrations with family members some time next year -- what is the proper time frame? I hiope you can help me.

-- Contributed by: Sharon S.

Lucy - The stand pictured on LoveToKnow Weddings is from stock photography and we have no further information about where to find an identical or similar stand. You could, however, print off the picture and ask your baker about replicating the look with a custom stand. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

Hi Amy,

There is a sliegh and reindeer wedding cake stand on the website and I cannot find it anywhere. Do you know where it is from?

-- Contributed by: Lucy

Geraldine -- There is no tactful or polite way to request any gifts, especially cash. Since you are paying for your guests to travel and celebrate for your renewal weekend, it would seem odd that you'd then want money in return. Whether or not you received gifts when you did get married is irrelevant now, though some guests may want to get you a little something. Since you have been married for ten years, they may be more likely to give you cash anyway, but you cannot politely ask for it -- it would seem like an admission price. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

We eloped 10 years and are renewing our vows on our 10 wedding anniversary, where we are having the wedding we never had first time round. We are paying for everyone to go away for a weekend and celebrate with us. What do we do about gifts? we would like everyone to give cash, but how is the best way of dealing with this. We did not receive any gifts the first time round, not even from our parents or family. Thanks

-- Contributed by: Geraldine M

Dear Hurt:

Planning a wedding is such a large undertaking that many brides prefer having the details handled by a coordinator. She may just want her family and herself to be able to relax and enjoy the wedding rather than having everyone stressed with the planning. Being asked to be part of the wedding party designates a special relationship with the bride, but many women today rely on wedding planners or coordinators rather than their bridal party for planning the wedding. Since a coordinator is in the wedding business, he or she may also have special connections or be able to secure rates with vendors that the average person can't.

While you should respect her wishes in hiring a planner, it is also perfectly acceptable for you to express your desire to help with the wedding and offer your assistance with the details of the wedding if she wishes. Good luck!

--Amy F., LTK editor

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley

My question is, how should i handle this? i have a sister-in-law that is getting married and they want me to be in the wedding and not be her personal planner. they are willing to pay a stranger to do what i can do (which is plan the wedding from A-Z). should i be in the wedding and just be supportive to whatever they need assistants with or just lay low in the back. Signed Hurt by my family (the in-laws)

-- Contributed by: c

My son is getting engaged soon. I never met his future in-laws. When they get engaged, is it proper etiquette for the grooms parents to invite the future in-laws for dinner? In this case, dinner would include the bride's parents, two sisters, a brother and their spouses and children.

-- Contributed by: Diane

Hi! I am getting married in October and my mother in law to be has insisted that my finace's 6 year old niece be a Jr. Bridesmaid. His other niece, who is 4, is the flower girl. They wanted the girls to have "separate identities." I read the description of the Junior Bridesmaid, and I am not sure of her in that role, what should I do with her as the Jr. Bridesmaid, since she is 2 years younger than the recommended age.

-- Contributed by: Kelli F

Sharon, my future husband has three grown daughters from a previous relationship i already have my bridesmaids picked for our wedding. the kids want me to add them to the wedding. where can i add them in without making them bridesmaids.

-- Contributed by: zeavonn

Are we crazy to want an 8yr old to be the ring bearer? If this is not a good idea, what role can he play in the wedding? Also, I do not like tuxedos on small kids . . it will be a formal wedding. If my 8yr old nephew is in my son's wedding as either a ring bearer or junior groomsman, what should/can he wear?

-- Contributed by: Debra Heath

Sharon,If you decline an invitation to a wedding,do you send the reply back with zero for guests and your names?Do you explain or not? Thanks

-- Contributed by: Donna

Hello Sharon, My fiance and I were discussing the role of junior bridesmaid and bridesmaid. I have three questions for you. Can there be more than one junior bridesmaid? If so, is it appropriate for them to walk together?

How old should a bridesmaid be?

-- Contributed by: Robert Johnson

Dear Sharon, I am in my friends wedding and from the start of planning i feel things just haven't been right can you tell me if i'm wrong. First of all i was asked a couple years ago to be in her wedding which got pushed back a year. i wasn't sure if she still wanted me in it once the time came closer because i had heard from her future sister in law that all the girls had went and looked at dresses and found the one they were going to get and i wasn't invited. we i asked the bride to be if she still wanted me in it she said of course it was just a last minute plan. We had a VERY nice shower for her that cost us each $300, the dress cost us $200 and the gift $50 and for the bachelorette party we took them away fr a jack and jill party. she didn't even speak but 5 words to anyone and when we got to the hotel she was tired so she went and lied down in her room with her future husband for 3 hours until dinner. now i have been told that i can not bring my husband to the rehersal dinner. Also the bride has only called me once in 8 months to tell me my dress came in. does this seem right?

-- Contributed by: kristin

Wedding of an older couple (57 & 60) both second marriages.Both well off. Small brunch wedding overseas in combo with grooms 60 birthday celebration. Not attending. What do we send.

-- Contributed by: Elaine

Dear Sharon, My partner and i are in the process of planning our wedding. Already we have had small issues come up. My parents have been divorced since i was young. We have come to a compromise that all parents (my partners parents, my mum and her partner, and my father and his partner) will not be sitting on the bridal party table and will be sitting with the remainder of the guests. The issue lies with Invitations. My mother would like to her partners name (she isn't married to him) to appear on the invitation as he is also contributing (funds etc). My father on the other hand (also not married) is not fussed over the sitation. My partner does not want to give my parents partners the same importance as his parents or my birth parents. How do i go about wording the invites? What should be done in this situation? Is it disrespectful not to include my parents partners on there?

-- Contributed by: S&N

Dear Sharon, Our wedding is next June & 90% of our wedding party is coming from out of town. We are having a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding & plan to invite only family & people in our bridal party. Yet, I know the etiquette is to include out-of-town guests. We can't afford to invite them. Yet, we don't want to appear rude. How can we respond, if any of them ask if he/she is invited to the dinner? Since they cannot come to the rehearsal dinner, I feel strange that I will only be seeing them on my wedding day & I do want to spend time with them..some of which I haven't seen for years. How can I manage this? Pls. advise.

-- Contributed by: Tracy C.

Dear Sharon, My friends from Hong Kong got married last December & my fiance & I still (here in NYC) haven't gotten them a gift. We would like to send a monetary gift to them..Do we send a card with a personal check? What's the best way to send cash gift overseas without a loss of foreign currency exchange rate? Thanks, Tracy

-- Contributed by: Tracy C.

Dear Sharon, When a single person is invited to a wedding, should the invitation be addressed to that person and a guest? My son is getting married and an invitation was sent by the bride to my widowed sister-in-law. She replied that she would attend along with her new boyfriend. Now the bride's family is giving me grief about it, saying that he was "not on the guest list." This is putting me in an awful position. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. Tell her he can't come? They are flying in from the other side of the country for my son's wedding.

-- Contributed by: Leah Goss
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