Wedding Invitation Etiquette

From LoveToKnow Weddings

What follows is a short lesson in wedding invitation etiquette.

Simple Wedding Invitation

Hopefully, the important details surrounding the planning of your wedding are finalized in the last month or two before your wedding. As a matter of fact, all of the important decisions such as choosing the date, what dress you will wear and where the ceremony and reception will take place, have already been made. In the last six to eight weeks before your wedding, your main worry should be sending out the invitations.

The Type of Invitation

Something to keep in mind is that the invitation should reflect the type of affair your guest will be attending. An informal wedding should have simple invitations, perhaps written by hand. A formal affair should have invitations reflecting this as well. If there are certain colors chosen for the wedding reception linens and the bridesmaid’s dresses, you may want to have the invitations colored accordingly.

When to Mail

The rules regarding wedding invitation etiquette dictate that invitations aren’t sent out too far in advance, but they shouldn’t come at the last minute either. You want your guests to have enough time to plan for the wedding and make any necessary travel arrangements. You don’t want to send the wedding invitations out too far ahead of time, either. Invitations can be sent out as early as eight weeks and as late as one month. Any later than that would be considered very bad etiquette. Six weeks is about enough time to mail the invitations and receive responses.

Wedding Invitation Wording

The cause of countless debates. What should the invitations say? Whose name goes where? Should parents be included?

If the bride’s parents are paying for the wedding, their names should be included on the invitation. It should be the bride’s parents who are announcing the event and requesting the honor or pleasure of the guests’ company. If the parents aren’t paying for the affair, it will be the happy couple themselves who are requesting the honor of everyone’s presence.

In addition to the parents or bride and groom requesting their guest’s presence, the invitation should list the date of the event, and the time and location of the ceremony. If the wedding is a black tie affair, this should also be indicated on the invitation. Generally, there will be a separate printed card with the reception information.

If you’re uncertain of how the invitations should be worded, an Internet search can help you or you can go to your local library to find books on wedding invitation etiquette. Your printer will also be able to answer any questions.

RSVP

RSVP Card

The last item on the invitation should be the RSVP date. The initials RSVP are short for the French “Repondez S’il Vous Plait” or simply, "please respond". When these initials appear on the invitation it means the hosts are asking the guests to let them know of their intentions on or before the indicated date – usually two to four weeks before the wedding.

Wedding Invitation Etiquette for Envelopes

Proper wedding invitation etiquette dictates the envelopes be written out by hand, using ink. While it may be quicker and easier to zip off a couple of hundred labels on the laser printer, this is considered a major faux pas. Even if you have several hundred guests attending, the invitations are to be hand written.

Recruit Help

According to wedding invitation etiquette, one of the tasks of the maid of honor is to assist in writing out the wedding invitations and stuffing, licking and stamping the envelopes. If addressing the envelopes looks like a daunting task, don’t be afraid to enlist this help. It can make for a pleasant afternoon or evening activity, chit chatting with a good friend as you complete this job together.

The Waiting

Once the invitations are in the mail, the only thing left to do is wait for the responses. While everyone will no doubt send their RSVP cards in a timely manner, there’s always one or two who either forget to answer or save this until the very last minute. If time is up and all the responses aren’t in, the bride or the bride’s mother will have to call those guests to be apprised of their intentions.

The responses will help you and your caterer get an idea of how many people are coming to help the happy couple celebrate their special day. The next few weeks promise to be a whirlwind of activity as the bride and groom to be take part in all of the last minute details and pre-wedding festivities. Enjoy this time; it will be over soon enough.

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Comments

JC - The best way to word the invitation in this situation would be "... Groom's name, son of Mother and Stepfather and the late Father" -- this would acknowledge all the parties without being awkward phrasing. Naturally, the entire invitation wording should work around the formality of the wedding, who is hosting the event, and other typical considerations.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

my fiance and i would like to include his deceased father in the invitation however he(fiance) also wants to include his stepfather in the invitaion, how do we do these? please help. thanks

-- Contributed by: jc

Master would generally be used for very young boys only, usually ring bearer age. By the time a young man is old enough to serve as an usher or groomsman, Mr. is more appropriate, though if he is still young (teenage), no honorific title is necessary.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

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