Finding information on the etiquette and duties for the parents of the groom is somewhat difficult, as they have traditionally had a smaller role in wedding planning than the bride's family. Today, however, many parents of the groom want to take on a larger responsibility in the wedding.
Role of Parents of the Groom
Due to the small role the groom's parents have traditionally held in the past, they might be confused about the proper etiquette concerning their role in the wedding and about what duties are actually expected of them. Because customs vary in different parts of the country, the first step is to ask your son what he and his fiancée expect of you for the wedding. Even if they are not sure themselves, the newly engaged couple will appreciate your willingness to participate in the wedding.
The parents of the groom have traditionally held these responsibilities before and at the wedding:
- Contacting the bride's parents to arrange a meeting and offer congratulations
- Following proper dress etiquette for the mother of the groom
- Planning the rehearsal dinner
- Providing the bride and groom with a list of guests and their addresses, if asked
- Standing in a receiving line with the rest of the bridal party after the ceremony
In some areas, the parents of the groom host an engagement party for the couple. This typically follows an engagement party hosted by the bride's parents, should they choose to have one.
At modern weddings, the parents of the groom often take on a more active role in both the wedding planning and wedding itself. With the changing customs, it is more difficult to know exactly what proper etiquette is for the wedding.
One aspect that is never an etiquette blunder is to remember your manners. Do not automatically assume that the bride and groom want your help; instead, offer it without strings. Even if they do not accept, the kind gesture will be remembered.
Similarly, if the couple asks for help with items like dress shopping, making reception centerpieces or obtaining initial wedding vendor quotes, you should respond properly. While you are not obligated to help with any part of the wedding, it is important to realize that the couple asked for your help because they value your opinion and want to include you in the festivities. If you are not comfortable offering help in one area, graciously decline the offer while expressing appreciation at their decision to include you.
Remember that whatever role you are taking on in the wedding planning process, proper etiquette and manners dictates that the bride and groom are in charge of all major decisions unless they say otherwise. Offer opinions when asked, but do not be upset if they choose not to follow your advice, even if it is an area you are all ready helping in.
Financial Wedding Etiquette for Parents of Groom
Financial etiquette is often sensitive for everyone involved in the wedding. Parents of the groom need to discuss between themselves what help they are able, or want, to offer, before talking with the bride and groom. While the couple should not expect anyone other than themselves to pay for the wedding, it is a kind gesture to offer financial help if you are able. Treat any financial help for the wedding like the gift that it is - not as a way to control wedding-related decisions.
Traditional Who Pays for What
The parents of the groom follow rehearsal dinner etiquette by planning and paying for it, along with their own attire, transportation and lodging, and a wedding gift. Sometimes this list includes the bride's bouquet and the bar at the reception. In some circles, the groom's parents also help him pay for some of his expenses.
Additional Wedding Expenses
Beyond the traditional financial expectations, parents of the groom who are able to offer additional financial help are often at a loss of how to do so. In some cases, the couple or your son will approach you regarding finances. Keep in mind they are doing this so they can budget properly, and that none of the parents are under any obligation to pay for their child's wedding. Be polite if you choose not to offer additional financial help for wedding expenses.
Today, many couples expect to pay for their weddings themselves. They may not approach you regarding finances. It is up to the parents to offer financial help. Let the couple know you would like to offer them a particular amount of money, and have it available to them when you offer. If you want, you can ask they spend it in a particular area, such as on the wedding cake or on the wedding band, or that they simply put that particular bill in your name.
Wedding etiquette for parents of groom is a topic that has often been neglected. Changing attitudes in modern society have opened the doors up for parents of the groom to take on a larger role. Navigating the delicate gray areas of wedding etiquette is often difficult, but being polite, kind and helpful are never an etiquette faux pas.