Wedding Engagement Etiquette
From LoveToKnow Weddings
The time when a couple becomes engaged to be married is generally a happy time. For some though, it can also be overwhelming, especially when they’re not well versed in matters of etiquette surrounding an engagement and wedding. The happy couple probably has many questions. Who do we tell first? What do we do first? When do we pick out the ring? How do we announce our engagement to the world? No one wants to do the wrong thing or hurt any feelings, but without knowing the proper etiquette, hurt feelings can happen.
The Ring
If the bride-to-be doesn’t already have an engagement ring on her finger, now would be the time to pick one out. It should be noted though, that an engagement ring is not necessary, nor is it required. All that’s required for a couple to be engaged is for one half of the couple to pop the question and the other half to say, “Yes.” Diamonds are a nice perk, but they’re not mandatory.
Announcing the Engagement
It’s a good idea for the happy couple to advise their parents of the engagement as soon as possible. Keeping this information to themselves, or only telling one set of parents can lead to hurt or angry feelings. Proper etiquette usually requires the parents of the bride be told the news first, with the groom’s parents following soon after. If this arrangement causes one set of parents to feel slighted, the bride and groom-to-be can always tell both sets of parents together over a nice dinner. Never keep the news from parents, as this will only start things off on the wrong foot. Close family and friends can follow soon after. Again, it’s not a good idea to keep this news from those close to you for too long or hurt feelings can ensue.
Once those close to the happy couple are aware of the engagement, it’s time for the rest of the world to know. This announcement can be made by placing a wedding announcement in the local newspaper’s society page. In most cases, the parents of the bride and groom announce the engagement together, but it’s more common nowadays for the happy couple themselves to do the announcing. Also listed in the announcement is information on where the bride and groom went to school, where they are employed, where they currently reside and information on the bride and groom’s parents’ residence. If a wedding date has been set, this information will also be announced to the public.
Now is also the correct time for the parents of the bride and groom to call each other to offer congratulations. There’s no hard and fast rule as to which set of parents should do the calling, but one couple should take it upon themselves to do so.
An Engagement Party
Like the ring, an engagement party isn’t necessary but it’s a nice perk. If an engagement party is something that interests the future bride and groom, they should by all means throw a party. There are a few things to keep in mind, however. The first rule is not to invite anyone to the party who won’t be invited to the wedding.
If one is throwing a traditional wedding engagement party, the news will be a surprise to most who attend. The parents of the bride will most likely host this event. Once all of the guests arrive, the happy announcement can be made. Toasts and congratulations will ensue. Because this is a surprise announcement, gifts are not expected.
Calling off an Engagement
No one enters into a wedding engagement expecting it to fall through. If the wedding is called off, family and friends should be informed. If the news is too painful for the former betrothed, their parents can call to break the sad news to wedding guests. One ingenuis former bride-to-be penned a catchy poem and mailed out un-invitations to everybody on her guest list. It’s good manners to let everyone know as soon as possible to prevent them from purchasing gifts and wedding attire and making further plans.
Planning the Wedding
The happy couple may want to hire a wedding planner at this point. The wedding planner will help make preparations a bit easier by handling all of the details from the reception to the cake. Though this arrangement is more common nowadays, it’s by no means the rule. The happy couple is perfectly capable of planning their own wedding themselves.
A date should be set as soon as possible so the bride and groom, their families, members of the bridal party and invited guests can also make the appropriate preparations.
Remember a couple’s engagement should be a fun, exciting, happy time. Though there is often a minor setback to contend with, for the most part it should be stress free. Knowing the proper etiquette can help to alleviate some of the issues that may arise. Relax and enjoy this time.
For more on engagement rings and engagement etiquette, visit LoveToKnow Engagement Rings.
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Comments
Terry - Ideally, the couple would work together to find a date that is suitable for both of them in terms of season, vacation time, and personal preference. If the two of you might have a conflict over the wedding date, it is best to work out the details now before the planning is too far along.
-- Contributed by: Melissa MayntzMy fiance asked me to marry him this past Sept 20, 2008....but told me that we needed to discuss when the date would be set.....HE wants to select the date and told me he would think about it....he just started a new job and his 90 day probation period is over on Oct 28. The job is very picky about their new employees, for example....the man who got hired a week after my fiance, was fired last week. My question is....proper etiquette....who is supposed to pick the wedding date? the bride, the groom or both?
-- Contributed by: terryThanks a lot for the information. I was clueless as what to do, but thanks to your site then I have not just an idea but lots of ideas.
-- Contributed by: Esta
This page has been accessed 32,651 times. This page was last modified 03:07, 26 July 2009.
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