Mother of the Groom

From LoveToKnow Weddings

While the best man's and the maid of honor's roles are pretty straightforward, sometimes the mother of the groom may feel a little lost in the shuffle. What exactly is her role, and how much input, if any, should she have in the planning and execution of the wedding?

A groom's mother has special duties.

Responsibilities of the Mother of the Groom

While some mothers of the groom want an active role in the planning of the wedding, others may hover in the background, unsure of what their duties and responsibilities really are. Check out the following responsibility tips for the mother of the groom.

Initiate Contact with the Bride's Family

While in many cases, the groom's and bride's parents may have already met at some other family engagement, there are occasions where they haven't yet been introduced. If this is the case, it is the mother of the groom who should initiate contact by phoning the bride's parents and inviting them to dinner at her home or asking them to meet at a local restaurant. For those families who live far apart, the mother of the groom should send a nice letter introducing her family and telling a little about everyone, even including a few family pictures if possible.

Guest List

The groom's mother is responsible for creating an up-to-date and accurate guest list for her side of the family. The guest list should include current and complete addresses, as well as how the invitations should be addressed. The number of guests should be equally divided between the bride's and groom's side of the family, and the mother of the groom is responsible for ensuring that her numbers do not exceed that total.

Reservations

The mother of the groom is also responsible for obtaining hotel reservations for any of her family's out-of-town guests. It's always a good idea to reserve a block of rooms at a particular hotel as soon as possible.

Parents should enjoy their son's wedding.

Rehearsal Dinner

The parents of the groom are responsible for hosting the rehearsal dinner. The dinner party can be formal or informal, and it can be held at the groom's parent's home, a local restaurant, or a local hall. The parents of the bride and groom, the bridal party, and the bridal party member's spouses or partners should also be invited.

Candle Lighting

In some ceremonies, both the mother of the groom and the mother of the bride will participate in lighting a candle, representing the joining of the two families.

Reception

Tradition has it that the mother of the groom stands between the bride and her mother. No matter where she stands, however, the groom's mother should be part of the receiving line at the reception. Her duty is to introduce her friends and relatives to the bride and the bride's parents.

Important Tips

Now that you are familiar with the responsibilities of the mother of the groom, it's time to heed a few important tips. While some of these tips may not apply to your situation, others may just answer some of the lingering questions you have regarding the duties and etiquette for the mother of the groom.

  • Dress - The mother of the groom needs to follow the bride's mother's lead on the length of the dress. The bride's mother should choose the dress first, deciding between a short or long style. Then, the groom's mother follows suit.
  • RSVP-While there should always be an RSVP number for guests to call, the groom's mother can also call those of her guests that she has not heard from about attendance to the wedding.
  • Bridal Shower-The mother of the groom should attend the bride's wedding shower and give a gift.
  • Dance-If there will be a mother/song dance, the groom's mother should help the groom choose a song.
  • Offer Help-Offer to search for caterers, flowers, etc., or offer to help with decorations, seating charts, etc.
  • Watch Out!-Finally, don't overstep the couple's wishes and plans. This is their wedding, after all, and they should have the final say!
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Comments

Mom of Boys - It shouldn't be too awkward just to have her nametag just say that she's the groom's mother, without drawing any additional attention to complications. The individuals at the rehearsal dinner are likely close enough to your family to understand the relationships without difficulty. They will know who you really are, and what that relationship means to your son. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

My son's birth mom will attend his wedding and rehearsal dinner. She has not been a part of his life and will mostly be there as guest. I am unsure about how to describe her on the name tag at rehearsal dinner (ex. helen groom's grandma.)

About 70 people will be there, so name tags will be a must. Any ideas? -- Contributed by: mom of boys

Hi Groom Mom - It can be challenging to keep a wedding guest list small, particularly when the couple has a wide social circle or large families. In this case, you may want to consider a private wedding and reception, possibly with a much more casual celebration shortly after the wedding (perhaps when the couple returns from their honeymoon) to share the event with the entire church. A cake-and-punch reception is a popular option for that type of event. Also remember, however, that it isn't necessary to invite everyone to any event - a couple can choose to invite just their closest family members and friends, and many people will not be offended by that type of guest list.

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz
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