Funny Wedding Vows

Audrey M. Jones
laughing bride

Writing your own funny wedding vows can be a lighthearted method for showing your love to your spouse on your wedding day. This twist on traditional vows will leave guests chuckling and result in a wedding ceremony that everyone will be talking about for years to come.

How to Write Your Vows

Funny vows often play off each other, so you might not want to keep your vows a secret from each other. Instead, share them with one another and edit as needed to ensure that they flow well and are appropriate.

In general, start writing your original vows about a month before the ceremony. Starting early will ensure that you have ample time to write your vows and that you are able to get them approved by your minister or ceremony official, if necessary.

Choosing What to Talk About

Humorous wedding vows do not necessarily have to be guffaw-producing monologs. Infusing your vows with just a few simple touches of lightheartedness can ease tension or nerves on your wedding day.

You can begin by thinking about what characteristics the two of you have in common and those in which you are total opposites. For example, your husband may love to work on cars while you would rather spend the day shopping or your wife may be a great cook but a slob, while you make horrible boxed macaroni and cheese while leaving the kitchen immaculate. These contrasts can often lead to humorous antecedes that guests will appreciate, are funny, and are appropriate for your wedding vows.

Another way to get the creative juices flowing is to think about hobbies and personality quirks with which all your guests are all familiar with you possessing. Whether one of you is a total planner and the other flies by the seat of their pants, or you both are Green Bay Packer fans, everyone will get a chuckle out of hearing you recognize those traits.

Examples of Funny Vows

Below are some examples of funny wedding vows that you can tailor to your personality.

Sports Fans and Fashionistas

Groom: I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us or you become a White Sox fan.

Bride: I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cubs fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day and will always have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.

Animal Lovers

Groom: I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.

Bride: From this day forward, I promise to declaw our cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot's house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets gourmet cat food.

Rhyme Time

I John, take you Mary, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be together in happiness and strife,
To have and to hold,
Even if your cooking grows mold.
I love you in richness and in debt,
And cherish all moments since we have met.
I promise to love you until the end of my days,
As long as you stay out of my baseball plays.
I pledge to be faithful
Even when we're old and dull.

Other Humorous Vow Ideas

Of course, you're not limited to the samples above. In fact, when it comes to writing funny wedding vows, there are a variety of options:

  • Singing or rapping your vows: Even if you two aren't songbirds, attempts at being singers while at the altar can relax you while giving your vows and entertain your guests. For this idea, you can pick a tune familiar to all, such as a song from a musical like Grease, to set the pace and tone for your vows.
  • Interrupting: You can also entertain guests and get your point across by delivering your vows in an "interruption" format in which you and your soon-to-be spouse interrupt one another during each other's vow delivery. These interruptions can be so that the "interrupter" can say their vows simultaneously or even agree with you while saying your vows. The goal is to have the interruptions appear natural and you two as though you're having a fast-paced, natural conversation while on the altar.
  • Dancing while vowing: In this idea, you can stop your vows periodically and do a short dance. The dance can emphasize a portion of the vows or merely consist of a silly dance move that'll break up any solemnity of the occasion. Of course, both of you should participate in the dancing for maximum effect.
  • Using famous quotes: Try to compose your vows out of famous quotes from movies, books, television shows or songs. You can try to string related quotes together so that they create a lengthy vow recital or use unrelated quotes; your guests will know what you mean in either situation when you recite your Star Wars vows or other famously inspired vows.
  • Top ten: Craft a Top Ten list of ideas of what you think marriage to your soon-to-be spouse will be like. These reasons should be funny. For example: "Reason 10: I know you'll always load and unload the dishwasher without me asking" and "Reason 9: I know that you'll never let your drawers get messy or leave clothes unfolded in them." Guests will get a laugh out of these idealistic reasons and how they reflect your and your fiancé's personalities and character traits.
  • "We aren't suited, but...": For these vows, craft a list of reasons why you are not suited to marry each other, but follow up with a few sweet reasons why you are meant for each other and are getting married nevertheless. Keep the reasons why you're unsuited for marriage lighthearted and don't be overly personal.
  • Team effort: Ask your bridal party to participate in your vow recital by chiming in with a chorus every time you finish a line of your vows. For example, they can sing: "S/he will love you every day of her life!" at the end of each of your lines. This will make your vows appear as though part of a musical, thereby entertaining guests.

More Examples

If you're not a gifted writer or are simply stuck trying to figure out what to talk about, you can always turn to the Internet for help. Several websites offer humorous vow samples that you can personalize:

  • Wedding-Vows: This website offers two funny wedding vow samples, either of which can be customized to fit your personalities and lives. It also offers sample phrases to insert into their vows.
  • WeddingVowsNow: The sample vows offered on this website are full of pure sillyness. For example, one refers to television shows while another uses Dr. Seuss quotes.

Appropriate Use of Funny Vows

Although entertaining, funny vows might not always be appropriate. Therefore, before spending time writing funny vows, consider your wedding's location and guest roster.

Consider the Ceremony Setting

Before you get started writing a stand-up monolog, you want to make sure your vows are appropriate for the setting. Certain religions may not allow any deviance from their approved wedding ceremony vows, so check with your officiant before you start writing your vows to ensure that you're able to deliver non-traditional vows in your church. If you are not allowed to use funny vows, consider incorporating humor into your wedding toasts instead.

Consider Your Guests

All humorous wedding vows should have a "G" rating. After all, you do not want to offend wedding guests, family members, or your future spouse by using vulgar or otherwise inappropriate language. For example, do not write about old fights you may have had (even if you both can laugh about them now) or about anything related to sex. These topics aren't generally public knowledge and can make guests uncomfortable.

Similarly, you don't want to confuse guests. Therefore, avoid anything that can be considered an "inside" joke between the two of you. This is because these often need lengthy explanations that will take up too much time and deviate from your purpose: saying your vows.

Writing Your Hilarious Wedding Vows

Funny wedding vows can be a great way to celebrate the joy of your union with smiles on your faces. By taking advantage of one another's personality quirks, you can create hilarious vows that you will cherish and remember for many years.

Funny Wedding Vows