Funny Wedding Vows

Appropriate Use of Funny Vows

Before you get started writing a stand-up monologue, you want to make sure your vows are appropriate for the setting. Certain religions may not allow any deviance from their approved wedding ceremony vows, so check with your officiant before you start writing your vows. If you are not allowed to use funny vows, incorporate humor into your wedding toasts instead.

All humorous wedding vows should be able to fall under the “G” rating. You do not want to offend wedding guests, family members, or your future spouse. Do not write about old fights you may have had (even if you both laugh about it now) or about anything sexually related. Avoid anything that can be considered an “inside” joke between the two of you, which would need lengthy explanation.

Funny vows often play off each other, so this is not a time when vows will be kept secret. Instead, share them with one another and edit as you need. Start writing original vows about a month before the ceremony and be sure to get them approved by your minister or ceremony official.

How to Write Funny Wedding Vows

Get started by thinking about what areas the two of you have in common, and what areas you are total opposites in. For example, your husband may love to work on cars, while you would rather spend the day shopping. Or your wife may be a great cook but a slob, while you make horrible boxed macaroni and cheese while leaving the kitchen immaculate.

Another way to get the creative juices flowing is to think about hobbies and personality quirks your guests are all familiar with. Whether one of you is a total planner and the other flies by the seat of his pants, or you both are Green Bay Packer fans, everyone will get a chuckle out of hearing you recognize those traits in front of everyone.

If one of you is not as gifted a writer, you can always turn to the internet for help. Several websites offer humorous vow samples you can personalize:

• Wedding-Vows.org
• “Declare Your Love” Wedding Vows
• WeddingVowsNow.com

Funny wedding vows do not necessarily have to be guffaw-producing monologues. Infusing your vows with just a few simple touches of lightheartedness can ease tensions on your wedding day.

Examples of Funny Vows

Because it can be extremely difficult to concentrate on writing wedding vows as your finalize your plans, LoveToKnow has come up with some examples you can tailor for your own personal needs. If you used funny wedding vows during your ceremony, or have heard some great ones as a guest, share them with everyone by adding a comment at the end of this article.

Sports Fans and Fashionistas

Groom: I promise to love you as much as the Chicago Cubs and not hold your black and white striped dress against you. From this day forward, I will listen to all of your complaints about the mall if you say them during the off season, and promise to retire my baseball cap and face paint for public outings. I will love you in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death parts us, or you become a White Sox fan.

Bride: I promise to love you as much as I love my credit card and not hold your poor fashion sense against you. I will only show you my new clothes during commercial breaks and promise to keep you in the latest Cub fashions. From this day forward, I will make sure your lucky shirt is washed for every game day, and will have plenty of potato chips on hand. I will love you for richer or poorer, as long as our credit limit stays high.

Animal Lovers

Groom: I promise to love and cherish you as much as I do our dog, Spot. From this day forward, I will lint roll the chairs whenever your parents visit. I will love you in sickness and in health, as long as you take care of the vet visits. I promise to cuddle with you as much as I do Spot and pick you up treats whenever he gets some, too.

Bride: From this day forward, I promise to declaw my cat Fluffy so that you are not scratched. I will always make sure the litter box is clean and will keep Fluffy out of Spot’s house. I will love you for richer or poorer, so long as Fluffy gets the gourmet cat food.

Rhyme Time

I John, take you Mary, to be my lawfully wedded wife.
To be together in happiness and strife,
To have and to hold,
Even if your cooking grows mold.
I love you in richness and in debt,
And cherish all moments since we have met.
I promise to love you until the end of my days,
As long as you stay out of my baseball plays.
I pledge to be faithful
Even when we’re old and dull.

Funny wedding vows can be a great way to celebrate the joy of your union with smiles on your faces. By taking advantage of one another’s personality quirks, you can create funny vows to cherish for many years.