Elope

From LoveToKnow Weddings

The traditional definition of 'elope' refers to a sudden and secretive marriage, usually to avoid parental objections. Today's elopements are often exciting, planned alternatives to traditional weddings -- and parents, close friends, and family may even be invited.

elope
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Reasons People Elope

Parental objection to their child's choice of spouse is no longer the only reason couples elope. There are many benefits that make it an attractive option for modern couples. Advantages over having a traditional wedding include:

  • Saving Money: This is one of the most popular reasons for eloping. Feeling pressured into having the 'prefect' or most 'unique' wedding, many newlyweds find themselves buried in debt. Rather than spend thousands of dollars they may or may not have, couples may choose to forego a lavish wedding and reception in favor of eloping.
  • Fun, Excitement, and Romance: The thrill of having a destination wedding or taking off with your fiancée is what lures some away from traditional weddings. The sense of spontaneity and adventure that accompanies an elopement can be very appealing.
  • Avoiding Stress of Wedding Planning: Even a planned elopement that includes family and friends does not take the time and attention to detail of planning a traditional wedding ceremony and reception. Many places, like Napa Valley's Enchanting Elopements, Yosemite Valley's Elopement Packages, and Nashville's Butterfly Hollow Wedding Packages make your wedding virtually stress free.
  • Privacy and Intimacy: For some, the wonderful experience of getting married is best celebrated through a private and intimate getaway. This allows the couple to really focus on one another and the special joy of their marriage.
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Other Considerations

While there are numerous advantages to eloping, there are also some drawbacks to consider before you book your flight to Hawaii or start packing your bags for Vegas.

  • Consider the impact on your family and friends. Some people may be very hurt by your decision not to have a traditional wedding. Are you prepared to deal with their reactions? If you decide to elope alone, are you completely sure you won't miss celebrating your special day with them?
  • Are you planning on eloping because you feel you don't have enough time to plan your wedding? Most wedding guides advise ample time to plan and prepare for your wedding, but that doesn't mean you can't plan a fabulous wedding in less time. With a little ingenuity, you can still have the wedding of your dreams.
  • Do both of you want to elope? If both of you are not totally comfortable with the idea, it may not be the memorable experience that one partner envisions it to be.
  • Are you rushing into marriage too soon? Some couples run away to get married after falling 'instantly' in love, only to realize later they were not prepared for the mental and emotional commitment of marriage. Your actual wedding plans may be spontaneous, but your decision to marry one another should be fully contemplated.
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Top Places for Marriage Getaways

Some of the most popular places to get married include:

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Alternatives

If you are considering the idea of eloping, but aren't totally convinced, you have a wide range of alternatives to a traditional church wedding and a dinner reception at a hall. Modern weddings aren't governed by the kind of social sanctions of the past -- your wedding is, after all, your wedding, and you can do it however you like.

You could choose a morning wedding and a light brunch with close friends and family, a backyard wedding and a barbeque, say your vows under a pavilion at your local zoo or at a local park. There's nothing wrong with getting married by the Justice of Peace and including your close family and friends with dinner at a favorite restaurant or a potluck dinner.

Whether you choose to go ahead with a standard wedding and reception, focus on the private experience of marriage with just you and your fiancée, or only include a few of those close to you, your day will no doubt be special.

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Comments

Danni - First, you should be aware that if she is really excited about the planning, it could cause a rift in your relationship with your son and his wife if you outright reject her idea. Perhaps there might be a way you could host a similar party that would be easier for you to arrange.

If you do want different ideas, a nice family dinner is a great and low-key alternative. It could be a home-cooked meal or a favorite restaurant. An afternoon picnic is another option that could include the whole family as well as some grilling, so it's a type of combination idea with her original request.

Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Melissa Mayntz

I have a similar situation to Mary's with my son's elopement. The "bride's" mother attended their JOP ceremony during my son's military leave, and we learned of it several weeks later. I feel a little hurt by that but I don't want "drama" over this. Recently my new daughter-in-law has asked if my husband and I would host a beer and barbecue bash for them in our yard when my son returns from Iraq in several months. We have the space, but my heart is not in doing this kind of thing at all. My husband would be expected to grill for all the guests. My son would like a get-together but I'm not sure he is aware of how she is envisioning the event. I don't know how to graciously decline this request plus I WOULD like to honor them in a low-key, more intimate way. Any alternatives we could consider?

-- Contributed by: Danni

Hi Mary, It is great that you are willing to be supportive if your daughter's wishes even if it were not your first choice that she elope. I would discuss with your daughter what she prefers. In a situation like this, however, an informal party or brief announcements to close friends and family is typically more appropriate than a formal reception and sending out announcements as you would to a traditional guest list. I would suggest planning the reception celebration to be held within six weeks of their marriage. Best wishes!

-- Contributed by: Amy Finley
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