Blended Family Wedding Vows

Creating blended family wedding vows can be complicated. A marriage involving children from prior relationships is about more than just the bride and the groom coming together — it is about creating an entirely new family unit. Vows that convey this message to children are the perfect way to begin a new life.

Ask children to be part of the big day.

Typical wedding vows are usually very personal wedding vows, said only to your significant other, standing in front of you and all of your guests. However, when children are involved, you can use your vows that reinforce the new family being created by the marriage.

Kids can be nervous about what the wedding and marriage will mean for their place in the family. A new stepparent and potential new siblings can create a stressful situation for the children involved. Explain to the children that they are still important and express how excited you both are to begin anew with the family. Asking children for their help in the wedding ceremony vows, or other parts of the wedding planning, can help ease their anxieties.

Children may or may not want to be involved in the actual ceremony vows. If not, this is fine. The vows parents say to one another should include the children, regardless of their role in the bridal party.

The officiate, whether a religious or secular leader, may have some suggestions for some sample wedding vows that you can use in a blended family wedding ceremony. Choose the one that sounds the best and fits your new family's personalities. You can also choose to write wedding vows yourselves.

Write original wedding vows carefully. Children who have lost a parent, gone through a messy divorce, or who are unsure about the new life their parents are embarking upon are often sensitive to the idea of a "replacement" mom or dad. Instead of trying to fulfill that role, focus on other positive aspects of the new relationship you will have with the child(ren). Vows can include some or all of the following, depending on the dynamics of your new family:

• Promise to love and support the child(ren)'s mother or father (new spouse)
• Vow to support and guide the child in their endeavors
• Mention the happiness the new family will bring
• Promise to provide and care for the child(ren)

As previously mentioned, the vows are usually said to the spouse and not to the children unless the children make it known they want to be included. By not pressuring the children to participate but still including them in the blended family wedding vows, you are letting them know they are important without forcing them to accept something they may not be ready for yet.

Including the children in family wedding vows is a wonderful way to unite the two families. However, it is not the only way to include children in the wedding ceremony. Other creative wedding ceremony ideas for blended families include:

• Give the children a special token or gift that represents the new family unit. This can be done as part of the service, with a few words spoken, or just before or after the ceremony. Common gifts include family rings, a medallion with the wedding date engraved on it, a pin, necklace, or bracelet.
• Include the children in a sand ceremony. Let each child choose his or her own color of sand and create a beautiful keepsake for display in your new home together.
• Ask children to light the unity candle in lieu of the bride and groom. This is a simple but meaningful ritual often included in both secular and religious wedding ceremonies, which represents the two family units becoming one.

Children can also join the wedding ceremony as part of the bridal party, serving as the flower girl, ring bearer, junior bridesmaid or ushers. Some brides and grooms even ask their children to serve as an honorary maid of honor or best man. Kids can also choose to do special wedding readings, too.

Creating blended family wedding vows is a touching and personal way to share the joining of not just two people, but of an entire family. Done carefully and with respect for the children involved, these types of vows can be very moving and memorable.

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