Best Man Duty
From LoveToKnow Weddings
What is a best man duty?
Choosing a best man for your wedding can be a tough decision. Do you go with your best friend from high school, your current best bud or your brother? Even more agonizing (for the best man, if not for you) is what exactly being best man means and what he has to do before, during and after the ceremony. This quick guide will offer some pointers.
Choosing a Best Man
Your best man is the guy who stands beside you at the ceremony, and you should choose a person you aren’t going to be embarrassed to see in all your wedding pictures 30 years from now. That means picking someone whose friendship has stood the test of time and who you think you’re going to remain close to for life.
A popular choice is to have a member of your family stand beside you, whether it’s your dad, older brother or favorite cousin. All of those choices are great and in all likelihood, will still be speaking to that person a few years from now. If you have several brothers or favorite cousins, though, make sure they all have a part to play in your wedding, since everyone can't be best man.
If you don’t have a male relative you’d like as your best man, consider the person you’ve been friends with the longest or you feel closest to. There’s probably one person who comes to mind first, and he is your best choice for best man.
Before the Big Day
The best man traditionally is expected to pay for his own tuxedo rental and to go to at least one fitting before the big day. He might be asked to visit the tux hop with the bride and groom to help pick out tuxes, if he lives nearby.
Perhaps the most important duty of the best man (to a lot of men, anyway) is that he is responsible for throwing the bachelor party. This sendoff from singledom can be as simple as a good meal and a party or include a trip out of town. Traditionally it involves paid entertainment. It all depends on what the groom would like and how much money the grooms men are willing to shell out.
Additionally, the best man is expected to attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. It’s not usually expected that he’ll give a toast at this meal, because the parents of the couple take center stage.
The best man is also expected to be available to help with getting things to the ceremony or reception site, or to do whatever else the busy couple needs in the days leading up to the wedding.
Best Man Duty on the Big Day
On the day of the wedding, the best man is chiefly in charge of the groom. He helps the groom get dressed, helps him relax, makes sure he gets to the ceremony on time and holds the bride’s ring (or both rings) until the big event.
The best man is usually considered a witness to the vows and will sign the marriage license. It’s customary for the groom to give the best man an envelope with whatever payment the officiant is to receive, which the best man then gives to that person before the ceremony.
He’ll probably have to stand for a bunch of photos either before or after the ceremony (perhaps both if the bride and groom took photos separately before the ceremony). He’ll be expected to walk with the maid or matron of honor and dance with her if there is a formal dance involved in the reception. If a traditional banquet table is set with the wedding party all in a row, the best man sits to the left of the groom.
He may also be asked to arrange transportation or drive the bride and groom to and from the ceremony. He’ll be asked to help get gifts back to their house or a parent’s house, and if he lives in town he’ll be expected to collect all the rented formalwear and return it to the rental shop.
The Big Toast
The most well-known duty of the best man is to toast the bride and groom at the reception. It’s completely up to the best man what he wants to say, unless he’s given guidance by the couple.
Toasts can be funny, serious, sad, joyous, or all these things by turns. The best toast is heartfelt and brief. Congratulate the couple, tell a funny story about what happened when they met, how the groom told you he was getting married, or anything else you think is appropriate. (Stories about drunken pranks in college are not appropriate.)
If your best man asks for advice about how to write his toast or what to say, tell him to relax and send him to The Best Man Speech, where he can find opening lines (including some lines not to use), sample speeches based on his relationship to the groom, where the ceremony was located, as well as many different hooks which he can adapt to the couple’s story and templates that should give him some ideas.
Typically, it is also the best man's job to organize the order of the other toasts that will be given. Speak with both the parents of the bride and groom to let them know when they should stand up. Usually, the best man should go first, then the parents, then family, then friends though the order usually gets mixed up towards the end. You want to keep things moving. People like to hear themselves speak a lot more than they like to hear long speeches by others. Keep that in mind. After some appropriate speeches, they will want to get to dancing and socializing. Fun weddings stress the party, not the poetry readings.
Being the best man at someone’s wedding does require work, but it is a great honor that neither you nor the happy couple will ever forget.
Related articles
This page has been accessed 14,084 times. This page was last modified 01:20, 8 October 2007.
© 2006-2008 LoveToKnow Corp.
