Should You? Would You?
Ahhhh your friend's big day is looming, and now the 64 billion dollar question awaits...what to wear? Well, whatever you DO wear, make sure it isn't any of these, all of which are HIGHLY questionable when it comes to a wedding near you.
Surrender The Skimpy
Here's the thing - you might think you look AWESOME in that super skimpy dress which hugs in ALL places and is a bajillion inches too short, but this is a wedding, not a remake of Pretty Woman. And while the ushers may be fully entertained every time you bend over, the mother of the bride will be less than pleased. Pull up that plunging neckline, cover up that mesh back, and be gone your with your tiny excuse for clothing!
Ditch The Jeans And Tee
What the ?? Didn't you read the invitation? It said WEDDING. Not a day at the ball game. You may pride yourself on your laid back approach to attire, but don't be surprised when every single wedding guest mistakes you for the sound technician.
Run Out on The Retro
NEWSFLASH! This isn't Studio 54 or an Abba Tribute. It's a wedding. So put your retro obsession, crazy purple flares, and your flower power all-in one-jumpsuit back in your dress up box where it belongs. Otherwise expect to be greeted with mocking fashion fiasco stares by everyone that comes across your not-so-groovy path!
Drop The Prom Dress
Yes yes, we know....you couldn't find anything in your price range when you went shopping for your outfit, and then, at the back of your closet was your senior prom dress which you just so happen to still fit into. Unless you want to be branded and mocked as the prom queen that never was on the big happy day, you better get back out to those shops pronto!
Opt Out of The Obnoxious
So you like to stand out from the crowd and look a bit...wild. Well this wedding is not about you, so time to tone it down. Crazy clashing animal prints, fluro fashion, insane amounts of frills, and basically anything that looks like you got dressed in a dark room are strictly off limits. The guests have come to witness a wedding, not get blinded.
Say No to White!
Come on....stealing the bride's color for the day? Surely there couldn't be anything more tacky. But wait! Wouldn't it just look so adorable the two of you standing side by side wearing matching colors? Guess what...the bride probably has other ideas.
Mute The Make Up
Did you use every shade in the compact? Is your skin ten layers down hiding somewhere underneath? Do you look like you've done ten rounds with a can of spray tan? Wearing more make up than you can shake a stick at and looking like Lady Gaga or a Barbie Doll at the wedding will do one thing for sure - leave the guests wondering whether the bride and groom hired a drag queen for the entertainment...otherwise known as...you.
Beware The Black
Who wears black, the color of mourning, to a wedding? Someone who got confused and thought they were going to a funeral? Cruella de Vil from One Hundred and One Dalmations, Lily from The Munsters? Whoever it is, it shouldn't be you. Unless you want to be dubbed the Grim Reaper by your fellow guests, that is. Note: if it's an evening wedding, you might be able to swing this, but just be sure to check the dress code before going full goth.
Kiss Your Clubbing Get up Goodbye
All over sequins, weird cut out bits, too much shimmer, asymmetric numbers, and skater dresses. All fine if you're hitting the club with your homies, but unless you plan on giving the bride's grandpa a heart attack, save your razzle-dazzle for when you're truly out to play with the girls.
Cut The Camo
Seriously now? This is a wedding, not a paintball convention. Unless you are heading to some weird wedding where everyone has to come dressed as G.I. Jane or Joe, the Army Surplus Store isn't going to do you any favors.
Now that you know what not to wear to a wedding, all you have to do is brush up on what not to say to the bride, and you're off to a solid start.