Sorry to say, but wedding guests aren't looking forward to your walk down the aisle, enduring the hour-long ceremony, or the awkward smooch with your husband-to-be. The reception, by far, is the most favorite part of the wedding - it's finally time for some food!
With your guests dying to devour dinner, you would be doing 'em a disservice by not choosing the menu with your attendees in mind. Offering pigs feet, horse meat, or eel is a surefire way to have your guests ditching the party for takeout. Here are foods you should not serve to your guests. Ever.
Foods That Are Darn-Near Still Alive
Aah, nothing like warm memories of your new spouse holding your hair back over the toilet bowl when you're supposed to be consummating your marriage, thanks to E. coli! And yes, that was sarcasm. Unless you want to hurl up raw fish all day, we'd suggest you keep the sushi at bay.
- Steak tartare
- Carne apache
Foods You'd Find in a Kid's Lunchbox
So you're going to serve cold cut sandwiches at your wedding? What's next? Lunchables and animal crackers? If a school lunchroom is the aesthetic you're going for at your reception, knock yourself out! Otherwise, steer clear of the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
- Tuna fish sandwiches
- Chicken salad wraps
- Chocolate pudding
- Mac n' cheese
Foods You'd Find at a Sports Get-Together
If chili and bean bake are on your wedding menu, all your guests are missing is some black war paint, and you've got yourself a formal Super Bowl party. You'll want to stay away from foods you'd find at a tailgating event or a football Sunday shindig. But if you've got a sports-themed wedding, go nuts!
- Pigs in a blanket
- Snack mix
- Chicken chowder
- Nachos and salsa
Dishes From Fast-Food Franchises
Your wedding was planned and put together with tender love and care - everything that fast food dishes are not. Want to insidiously kill your guests with greasy fries and pink slime burgers. Mm, mm! Who doesn't love a heart attack in a bun?
- Chicken nuggets
- Fish and chips
- Onion rings
- Hot dogs
- Chinese takeout
Foods You'd Find on Survivor
Unless you want your guests to feel as if they're being filmed for a horrifying episode of Survivor, please do not serve fried tarantulas and fish eyeballs. It's a different story, though, if your attendees are stranded on island (à la Castaway) with nothing else to eat but the surrounding wildlife. But to purposely feed your guests spiders? What the heck, if you don't mind us asking, are you thinking?
- Alligator fritters
- Fried rattlesnake bites
- Pig brain sandwiches
- Rocky Mountain oysters (fried testicles)
- Bear ham
- Bee larvae ceviche
- Grasshopper kebabs
Dishes That Are an Acquired Taste
When we say that a dish is an "acquired taste," what we really mean is that not many people are willing to eat that rubbish you call "food." You might love escargot, but to others, it's just salt-and-peppered snail - and its revolting. Assuming you don't want to waste your money on a menu where only a few brave souls are willing to chow down on oysters (while others would rather starve to death), it's best not to serve foods that fall under the "acquired taste" category.
- Brussel sprouts
- Pigs feet
- Foie gras
- Blue cheese
Foods That Are Super Messy
Do you really think it's a smart idea to have ribs and funnel cake on the menu? Sauce dripping all over your beautiful white gown, powdered sugar all over your lips - wow, just imagine how, er, clean and pristine you'd look in your wedding photos.
- Sloppy joes
- Crab legs
- Meatball subs
- Buffalo wings
- Corn on a cob
Granted, it's your big day and you can do whatever the heck you want. But please, don't come crying to us when your fried tarantulas get tagged as #WorstWeddingFoodEver on Instagram.